Why is it that I never sleep well the night before I start my two-day office stint? It's almost like my body feels like it's going to be traumatic, so I should be nervous about it. That is dumb.


Really, it's not traumatic at all, unless you count the constant assault by b.o. and people handing me things that have been rotting in their mouths for months and a computer system that regularly flakes out while I'm trying to get some scheduling done and all of the last-minute cancellations.


Not traumatic at all.


I'm just happy I don't have to be at 100%. Really, it's not like I'm building a hospital for sick bunnies or trying to make a non-lethal nuclear weapon that will save the world from the evil Maurdog who comes from the planet Neptune. Those things take a lot of brain power; I just have to be nice and keep things from falling apart for a few hours.


Nice. Hmmmm.


Well, I guess that's why I have this blog. To get all of my inner a**hole out so I'm presentable when I'm around my fellow human beings. Therefore, I will now use it as I originally intended. 


Here is a list of all of the things I hate the most right now, at this moment in time (the list is constantly fluctuating; I just like to make lists, okay?):

• The word yummy is gross. I just hate it. I don't know why.
• People who say, "These are great for travel!" about travel toothpaste. Really? They are? Wow. Never heard that before.
• Using milk or whipped cream in my coffee. I like half and half, thank you.
• People I don't know very well who ask me why I don't have kids yet. When did that become not rude? I guess I didn't get that memo.
• People who make their kids get their teeth cleaned when they've been throwing up. Such a great way to not traumatize your child and make him hate the dentist forever.
• Meat on the bone. It's too close to its original form and it makes me barf.
• Killing bugs. It makes me feel guilty and sad. Plus, that's the main reason I got married in the first place.
• Older women (like 70s and up) who insist on wearing pale lipstick, like the kind that was mod in the 1960s. Yep, not so mod now, kind of makes you look like you're dying.

And finally:

• People who constantly blow everyone off but the coolest person in the vicinity, so sometimes they're your friend, and sometimes you're just not cool enough. That is crap.

Ah, I feel much better now. Have a happy Thursday!