My studio has a lot of students who are getting ready to graduate in the next week or so. This means that I won't be seeing them anymore, so I'm trying to give them some wisdom to take with them when they go, since I am all-knowing and whatnot. I realize that they don't really listen all the time, since a lot of nonsense spews forth from my mouth during the course of a lesson, so I thought I'd put it on here, for the world to see.


First: Kiss your boss's butt. I understand that for some of you, this is terribly difficult, bordering on being an impossibility, but I figure I'd have the kids try it out. Jobs are pretty scarce nowadays, and the ones that pay decently for the amount of work a person has to do are even fewer and farther between. So once you have a job, make sure to keep your boss happy. This also goes for professors, but I feel like I need to warn the children that with professors, there's a very distinct possibility that the nice older professor is going to attempt to hook up. It's one of the perks of his or her job, I guess, but don't go there. That's just nasty, and he or she is not in love with the person he/she hits on. The victim is probably the thirtieth kid he/she has chosen because he/she is a pervo. Just say no. Now, if it's a boss, that's a different story. Hahahahaha...just kidding. Ick. Try to avoid that particular situation whenever possible, because it will result in the subordinate getting fired. No questions.


Second: Real opera singers have training. Full training, not partial training that they quit after a year to go be on a reality TV show. We don't do that. There's a reason everyone pees in their pants when there's an opera singer on Idol: It's unusual. WE DON'T DO THAT. Why? Because, as lame as it sounds, it truly is about making art. I'm pretty sarcastic and non-emotional about most things, but music is different. That's why a lot of us do crap jobs on the side (I have been fortunate enough to snag a fantastic crap job, though). That's the price one has to pay for being an artist. I didn't take two years of voice lessons and then decide I was awesome and stop working on my instrument. I will be slaving away at this until I'm too old to make any noises come out of my mouth. Then, I will die. Catering to the lowest common denominator on a reality show is not part of my equation. I'm not perfect, and I have a long way to go, but at least I haven't given up, and that counts for something. No offense to people that want that kind of fame, because that would be cool and all, but in my humble opinion (which is totally right all of the time, by the way), that's not real opera. Real opera is not about being famous.


Third: Don't just listen to one kind of music. A person becomes terribly limited if she doesn't try other kinds of music. I love love love all sorts of music that aren't classical or operatic at all. At least give things a shot, or else it's hard to know what kind of music is enjoyable. Also, don't listen to music that sucks just because everyone else likes it. Most people are stupid, anyway.


Fourth: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT become a pretentious douchebag. There is always a danger of that, especially in the arts-type fields. Remember: You are not now, nor will you ever be, better than everyone else. It's just not possible, not to mention that it can be super embarrassing when someone makes himself out to be something, raises other people's expectations, and then doesn't perform accordingly. Be modest and humble and kind. A person knows how good he is; other people can figure it out for themselves without him having to tell them.


Finally: (Yep, there are only five things you need to know to have a happy life) Wash your hands. A lot. There is fecal matter, along with dead skin cells, cold and flu viruses and staph everywhere you go. EVERYWHERE. It wants to live inside of you, and you don't want that. So wash your dang hands. You should've learned this one in Kindergarten, but maybe you were sick that day. Sick from the poop.


Yes, the moral of the story is that life is hard and not all that fun most of the time, so lower expectations in regards to other people and raise expectations in regards to yourself. Be nice to other people. Wash your hands. In addition, please don't forget to laugh at other people. You know they're laughing at you anyway, so why not be part of the fun? After all, you can always laugh at yourself, right? So what's the harm? Plus, other people really don't notice, most of the time. If anyone loses her sense of humor, I may have to bring the smack down.


Oh, and wash your hands. Then wash them some more. Repeat.