In case you haven't picked up on it, the theme of this blog in general is that I'm trying to be a better person this year. You know, happier, kinder, blah blah blah blah blah.


Note that being less judgmental is not on my list.


Anyhow, I think it's working. I certainly feel happier and more disposed to be kind to others. Plus, I'm even nicer to small children and animals than ever before (not worms or spiders, though, as there is scientifical evidence that they want to eat my face off). However, there is one aspect of my personality that I am supposed to be working on that I have conveniently ignored thus far: Being a doormat.


Maybe it's that pesky x chromosome. Maybe we're wired to say. "Sure!" when what we really want to say is, "Go get it yourself, you lazy piece of crap!" or "Are you serious? Have you seen the size of your butt? Do you think you really need that extra cupcake?" or "I'm sorry. I didn't realize 'playing Mommy to an emotionally stunted adult' was part of my job description."


Or maybe it's just me that wants to say that.


I don't think I'll ever be very good at saying no. I practice what I'm going to say when I know I'm coming up on a situation where I'm going to be asked to do something I really don't want to do, but I never end up saying the things I came up with in my practice conversation. I end up saying, "Sure! No problem." Maybe it would be better if I didn't practice the conversations before they actually take place, but I've done that my whole life. Plus, I think it adds to my particular neurotic brand of charm. You know, driving along in my car, sitting in my bathtub, or doing dishes while talking to no one in particular about why I don't want to do whatever it is.


Who doesn't do that? (If you just raised your hand, you're a dirty liar.)


Maybe there's a middle ground or an in-between. Not being a doormat, but not being super aggressive about saying no to anything that isn't appealing. I'm not great at moderation, though. Anyone who's seen my stomach and/or my CD collection can tell you that. Still, maybe that's what I should be aiming for. Not perfection, but saying no to a few things, rather than saying yes to everything.


Or maybe I should just grow a mullet. Yeah, I think people will stop asking me to do stuff if I do that.


I'm pretty sure there is no answer to this particular conundrum. I think maybe I have to choose to be one way or the other, and I know I'm going the doormat way. This may not be a popular decision, but I think we all do it, in one way or another. We're all a doormat for certain people or certain things, some people are just more selective than others. Plus, it doesn't mean I can't still think the evil things that pop into my head at the same time I'm smiling and agreeing to whatever it is. 


So, yes, I will go to your birthday party. Make your cake? Sure, no problem. Oh, and yes, I'd love to stop and pick up all six of your nieces and nephews, who all live in different parts of town and are all recovering from colds so they have runny noses, the snot from which they'll be wiping all over the inside of my car, and bring them to your house so they can be part of your special day.


You great big pile of turd.