This morning, I realized two things about myself. First off, I should never, ever look in the magnifying mirror when I only have a limited amount of time to get ready. Secondly, I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I feel confident that there's nothing hanging out of my nose.


I had sinus surgery a few years ago, and the inside of one of my nostrils is still a bit numb, so it kind of feels like I have some dangling action happening there, even though most of the time I really don't. I carry a little compact and check every 15 minutes or so, but it's when I don't check that I really do have something happening.


That is mortifying.


I hear rumors that when I get old, I won't care so much about stuff like that; you know, boogers, hairs in places they shouldn't be, food on my shirt. Lies. All lies. I'm going to care. There is nothing more embarrassing to me than getting into my car and checking the rear-view mirror and seeing that I had one of those little dangly nose goblins, moving in and out with my breath.


Ugh. 


Part of the reason I'm so paranoid about this is that it happens to be one of my least favorite things to look at. I'm always afraid it's going to make a break for it and land on me. It's never happened before, but I hope that when it does happen, my death will be quick and painless. Just spontaneous combustion or an explosion that vaporizes me. Or, perhaps, if I'm very lucky, some men in Hazmat suits will come and hose me down with a germ-killing substance. You know, to save my life and whatnot.


Not that I had anything making a break from my nasal caverns this morning, I was just thinking about how awful it would be if I was at work and greeting customers with something waving in my nose-breeze, without being aware of my offensiveness. These are the things that float around up in my head.