Congratulations. You made it to Wednesday. I don't have a party for you or anything, though. I do, however have a blog topic that is sure to knock your socks off:


TOILET PAPER


Yes, T.P. I know, it's a little risqué, but I think I can handle it. Mostly, I just want to complain in a public forum about what's happened to toilet paper. More specifically, to Costco toilet paper.


We used to love the huge pack of Costco T.P. Number one (Haha...I said number one), all of the rolls were individually wrapped, so you didn't have to worry about bottles of shower spray leaking on them a little bit in the closet (which never happened, I just like to give myself a little something to worry about). Plus, it gave them a little more heft which came in handy when throwing a roll to a person stranded on the toilet because he forgot to check before he sat down. Or she, I don't discriminate.


Secondly, the paper was just the right balance between soft, absorbent, and flushable. For example, Charmin is the softest toilet paper ever, but in our house, with its old and bordering-on-unreliable plumbing, you can't use a T.P. that's really thick. That's basically like begging the toilet to regurgitate all of its contents, and I don't want that. Northern flushes well, but it just isn't as soft as I'd like, plus it's never on sale and I don't want to pay that much for something I'm just going to flush down the toilet, anyway. Scott tissue is super cheap, but it's too rough and I have sensitive skin. Plus, you pretty much have to use an entire roll to get any real work done. Yeah, so Costco, obviously, is the winner in the texture/flushability category.


Finally, the rolls were just the right size. Not so small you have to change it every day, but not so large that it doesn't fit on the roll holder thingy.


No more, though. No more. Costco has changed its paper and I'm not happy about it. They no longer individually wrap the rolls, which I can get, because that's probably pretty wasteful and goodness knows I can't stand waste of any sort.


However, there is no excuse for the uptick in lint. My bathroom is covered in a fine white powder, which is a direct result of the increased lintiness of the T.P. It's ridiculous. Also, they decided to put less rolls in a package and make each roll larger, so now it barely fits on my roller and I have to use a quarter of the roll before the thing will dispense paper properly. In addition, it's definitely rougher, and the 2-ply sheets separate easily.


That's crap.


I'm going to protest. When you love something the way I loved Costco's toilet paper, it's totally worth fighting for. Plus, when you go through as much toilet paper as we do, it's kind of a big deal. I am a T.P. connoisseur, much as Martha Stewart might be if she actually used the bathroom (I'm working on attaining that kind of perfection, but I haven't reached it yet). It's very important that my bathroom tissue not make my bathroom look like a freak snowstorm just hit.


Smooth move, Costco.