Sometimes I wonder what our neighbors think when they hear the noises coming out of our house. Yes, we are the adult couple with no children that has pets and yes, we talk to our pets like they're babies.


Well, right now, we only have one pet, a cockatiel named Bruce, but he gets plenty of baby talk and because it's warm right now and all our windows are open....well....it's pretty bad.


I realized it this morning, as I was singing a song to him about pooping. I sing all sorts of songs to him, sometimes about his feathers, sometimes about his fat tummy, you know, stuff like that. Important stuff. Mostly, though, I sing him songs about poop. 


I know that this is normally done for human babies, but we don't have any, and I have so much material. Just SO much. I have about fifty songs going in my brain right now, and this doesn't even take into account all of the songs my husband sings to the bird.


Are we crazy? I think maybe yes.


When we had a dog, there was a lot more singing and baby talk, so it's actually toned down, but I'm sure the neighbors still get an earful. This morning, they were treated to my rendition of, "I am Brucie, Hear Me Roar," and "The Poopie Man." I don't always steal from famous songs, those just happened to be the ones I felt like including in my performance.


The strange thing is that I don't usually talk baby-talk to babies. Just animals. I think human babies think you're an idiot if you talk to them like that, plus I'm afraid of the whole Children of the Corn scenario. So, yeah, I'm pretty normal as far as talking to little kids goes.


Not with the animals. Doesn't matter if they're mine or if they're yours. They're all fair game, and I will sing them a song, most likely about bodily functions.


Don't you wish you lived next door to me? I'm pretty sure this page just cemented your longing to be my neighbor.