We had family come up this past weekend, and we took them to a restaurant that we had eaten at several times prior. It had been great every single time, so, of course, this time, it sucked.


Ugh.


This has happened a few times: We like a place, decide we should take so-and-so there when we're going out to dinner with them, and it then becomes awful. I think we could probably close places down just by having friends meet us there. Really.


There is only one kind of food that this doesn't happen with: New Mexican food. Maybe that's because New Mexican food is just the best kind of food that there is, or maybe it's because the kind of place we go to for the best NM food is vastly different from the kind of place we go to for other nice evenings out.


For a nice evening out with friends, we pick a place that has nice ambiance, maybe a good selection of wines or some kind of awesome mixed drinks and enthusiastic servers who make a person feel really superior because of his food and beverage selections.


New Mexican food? Not so much. Any place that looks really shiny and new and clean is bound to have crappy food. Find an older, more run-down place. A bulletin board with business cards on it or some kind of stand where they can sell handmade jewelry (bought in China) should be in the entrance area, and you should hear some kind of either heavy metal or mariachi music blaring in the kitchen. Cooks singing along to the music is a definite plus. Portions should be ginormous and everything should be completely covered in cheese. Make sure the menus look really filthy, as well. Look around for that panic that occurs in a person's eyes when the water in his glass is getting really low and there's no waiter in sight, but he just can't make himself stop eating until he gets a refill. That's a sign of a great meal with NM food. It has to be good enough to warrant the severe burning that happens when the water runs out before the food does.


The flip side of this, of course, is that bad NM food is worse than other kinds of bad food. This is a train wreck that can't be watched by outsiders because they're too busy running for the bathroom.


Yeah.


If it tastes funky, whatever happens, DO NOT EAT IT. You will pay. If you already ate it (because really, anything covered in cheese automatically becomes edible), just remember: You'll be alright. Its nothing a bottle of Pepto and some ginger ale won't cure.