Whenever I meet someone who says she (or he) doesn't have much contact with her family because they don't get along, it makes me sad. Why? Because my family is ridiculously fun, and it really stinks to think that there are people out there who don't have that.

So I've decided to rent them out.

Come on, it's a great idea! Who doesn't want to have a mom teach them how to make a pot roast or a dad take them out for a milkshake (actually, Dad, if you're reading this, we should probably go practice that at some point)? Heck, you could even rent the whole family for a super-fun game night!

I think I could talk them into that. My sister would probably have issues if I rented her out for a big sister talk/chick-flick fest, but otherwise, I think we'd be safe. It would probably be just like renting a clown, except we're far less scary and the kind of balloon animals we'd make would probably not be appropriate for the general public.

I could even rent out my husband as a shopping partner (actually, I'm serious about that...he pulls these great things off the rack that I don't even see), except I think he'd hate that. A lot.

Since it's my idea, of course, I'd get to keep a larger percentage of the proceeds, say 70%, and then the family member/performer would get the remainder. 

Yeah. This is a great idea. We could even extend it to the cousins and aunts and uncles, since the awesomeness continues that far. You haven't really played Spoons unless you've sustained an injury or broken a table, light fixture, or chair. I'm thinking it would be so successful that everyone would have to quit his or her day job.

You guys in? You know you want to. I might even consider going down to 65%, if you bring candy into the negotiations.

Of course, this would mean I'd have to rent myself out, and since my biggest skills are cleaning and baking, I'd basically be a maid. I'm pretty sure they already have those, so I'm guessing I'd be the least popular rental. I'm okay with that, though. I think the biggest money would be in renting us out as a group. For parties and such. I can see it now...

....Watch! As the family gets into an argument about who actually started the laughter that got us kicked out of church!...

....Listen! As Mom tells the story about how the kids got into shenanigans that one time, again and again!...

....Learn! How to do virtually any activity from the comfort of the couch!...

Wow. That's going to be amazing. I'm seeing an infomercial in our future, guys! Oh, and crafts. There need to be crafts. 

Just to demonstrate, I leave you with a picture of my skills. Yes, that is a Chocolate Peanut Butter Fun Cake, and yes, this is what you could get. For only $49.95 an hour plus tax.

Who wouldn't want to get in on that?