In honor of the fact that Friday finally decided to get here, and in honor of St. Patrick's Day tomorrow (which is my favorite holiday, mostly because I like green, but also because of the leprechauns), I have a story for you. This one doesn't involve King Parkay, but it does involve something very hilarious that happened to my husband at the grocery store on Sunday.


It seems to me that the funniest things that have happened to my family have happened in one of two places: church and the grocery store. Don't know why, but both places are really laughter-inducing for us. Maybe we're weird...


Anyway, my husband and I went to the store on Sunday to get our weekly groceries. We were turning onto the deli aisle when I went on ahead to get the cheese and he stayed behind to get the lunch meat; since he's the one that eats the bologna, I let him pick out whatever he wants as far as that goes.


This lady, who looks to be about a well-preserved 55, walks up to my husband and starts flirting with him by asking about his bologna. Seriously. I heard them talking, but I was engrossed with the cheese and cheese-related products, so I wasn't about to go save him, but I look over and he's getting redder by the minute, "There's so many bolognas to choose from!" she said, seductively.


Bahahahahahaha! It sounds like a bad joke, but there you have it. She was trying to seduce my husband with talk of lunch meats. It wasn't one of those occasions where you wonder if someone was flirting with you. It was pretty blatant. However, around the corner comes a guy that's a friend, so my husband just starts talking with him, which saved the day. The lady lingered for a bit, but then he said, "Here's my wife!" and had me come shake his friend's hand, and she looked embarrassed and went away.


The rest of the trip is a blur. Couldn't stop laughing, especially when we were walking up to check out and I said, "Did she really ask you about your bologna?" and I guess I was a little louder than I thought, because the lady was right behind us and just turned and walked away really quickly. Oh, no. This did not help the laughing situation.


I don't like to laugh at people when I'm right in front of them, but this time I just couldn't help it. If you're going to hit on a guy in a grocery store, you should probably check for a wife in the vicinity, check for a wedding ring and then avoid all talk of meats. 


Or don't and just maybe you'll finally find the man and the bologna of your dreams. If I was going to use that tactic, I would've at least asked him if his bologna had a first name. Or used the word "kielbasa" at some point. Because, come on. That's good times, right there.


Oh, and one more tip: If you hit on guys by talking about lunch meats, do it at the deli counter, not in the deli aisle. You'll meet much higher-quality bologna consumers.