Okay, I admit it: I broke down and made a passive-aggressive status on le Facebook. I had to do it. For weeks now (okay, years), I've been assaulted by a barrage of little digs about "selling out." It's not like I'm Paris Hilton and I decided to work in an office a couple of days a week for fun. I haven't given up on music. I'm still teaching and performing actively, I just got a job so my husband doesn't have to work a billion hours a week, and I don't have to mooch off of people in order to not have to stress so much about money.

Did that sound crabby? Yeah, maybe I am, a little bit. Don't judge.

I enjoy saying weird and/or funny things that just pop into my head on Facebook, but every once in a while I give in to the temptation and make a status that means something. Then I feel embarrassed about it and try to justify it, and I finish by removing it, usually within a few hours.

Maybe I over-think it, but I don't want to be one of those people whose statuses fill a person with shame and the overwhelming urge to vomit. I don't need to know if you're having cramps, or if your girlfriend is adorable when she's sleeping, or if you had some miraculous emotional journey that was brought about by listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Methinks more fart jokes are called for. Also, pictures of puppies and babies. Facebook is not for having deep emotional connections, it's for funniness. It's light and fluffy; a sort of virtual Cool Whip. Have your real-life seriousness in REAL LIFE.

Or don't and avoid all embarrassing, serious, meaningful conversations. Instead, joke about everything and never hug or make eye contact. Hey, it's worked for me for the past 33 years!

If I can just get a little more control over my Facebook mouth, I'll be all set.