In honor of my favorite show, I've decided to make my life more like an episode of Murder, She Wrote. Yes, I do decide to make my life like TV shows from the 80s all of the time, and no, I don't have all of the required materials. I think I'll need to go to WalMart for this one.

First, I'll need a string section. Real or synthesized, it doesn't matter. All that is required is a heavy bass string sound when danger is approaching, and then lots of fast high violin action when I'm confronting the murderer. I'll also need a composer to write the score, but we can use the same score over and over again and just slow it down and/or speed it up as required. I also think a flute would be nice for day-to-day things, like doing the dishes and grocery shopping.

Next, I think I need to work on my wardrobe and makeup. If I am to emulate Jessica Fletcher, I'll need a whole assortment of fancy upscale sweatsuit type things for when I'm biking around town (she never drives a car), and then a bunch of tie-neck polyester blouses in suitable colors and patterns. I should probably think about getting a couple of skirt suits, too, plus some sensible pumps with a low heel. I'll need to get a bunch of bright lipsticks and lipliners, and do some heavy eye makeup, as well. J.B. doesn't leave the house without her Katy Couric-esque mascara.

Finally, I will need some people to just stand around and act sketchy. They don't actually have to do anything, but I need people to shake my head and bite my lip at, as well as people to look at disapprovingly. There does need to be a murderer and a victim, but I'll need several hundreds of those, as they can only be in one day of my life, and then they never come back. The sketchy people can be regulars, and they can even come back as murderers and/or victims, à la John Astin. Too bad he doesn't live around here. He was very good at being sketchy and then coming back later and being a killer. Plus, he made you kind of feel sorry for him, which is outstanding. I've also heard that he plays the cowbell, which could come in handy.

I realize that murders would have to be involved, so I'm thinking that maybe that part could just be pretend, or that instead of investigating murders, I could just do my normal stuff and investigate things like who left the front door unlocked and who forgot to feed the bird. That might be safer for everyone involved. Yeah, I'll do that, and then instead of calling my life Murder, She Wrote (which would probably be copyright infringement anyway), I could call it Time, She Wasted. Or Floor, She Vacuumed. Heck, I could just give every day a different title. That way, all my bases are covered and I can get involved in different shenanigans without worrying if it fits into the category of the title.

Wow. I have such great ideas. Too bad I don't go in for science, or you'd all be in big trouble.