Yes, I've been gone on vacation and now I'm back. Chock full of stories, too, but I think I'd like to start by telling you that I have come back with a corneal infection and maybe abrasion.

What the hell?

I go on one fricking trip (to the Caribbean) and I end up looking like Popeye. Great. I didn't do any high-risk activities (like snorkeling or cliff diving), and I still get an injury. Not to mention the fact that my husband's having horrible withdrawal from his seasick patch and feeling quite pukey.

So, yeah, what the hell?

It was a great trip, and we did a ton of stuff we've never done before. On our first excursion, we did a walking tour through Cozumel (because they cancelled our Mayan tour that I was so excited about I was practically peeing my pants), and we visited a lady's house and DRANK THE WATER. Well, it was homemade hibiscus tea, so we figured it had been boiled and I could only bring myself to drink like a fourth of a cup, but I still did it, with no bad aftereffects, thank goodness.

We also went to a real beach on Grand Cayman Island, which was very beautiful and while I didn't take off my t-shirt to get in the water, I did get in the water (even though I was kind of freaking out the whole time about stepping on a fish, but, oh well). That island is so stinking expensive that I can't believe anyone can afford to go on vacation there, ever. Just ever. The keychains I bought there cost more than the purse I bought in Jamaica (which makes me wonder why I didn't just wait for Jamaica to buy presents, but I thought it might be expensive too and these keychains are pretty cute).

Which brings me to Jamaica. We didn't do an excursion, because we thought we'd just walk around the island. Little did we know that when you leave the little pier area, the people become twice as aggressive, which is saying something, because even in the pier area, they were pretty pushy. Upon leaving, we found out that they will actually put hands on you, while trying to sell you weed (seriously...I knew it was Bob Marley land, but everyone and her dog offered to "hook [me] up, sexy lady"). Yeah. We lasted about fifteen minutes and then high-tailed it back to the pier area. We did, however, haggle a little bit, which was fun and I got a really awesome Christmas present for someone. Not saying who, but it's the coolest present I've ever bought. So, anyway, Jamaica would've been a good place to get a tour bus and/or guide, especially since we're a little squeamish about the touching thing and when people refer to me as "sexy lady," it makes me giggle uncontrollably and then they think I'm crazy.

So, great trip. I went to two art auctions for the free champagne and ended up drinking 6 glasses at each auction, so that was pretty darn enjoyable, and then we went to a welcome-back thing for past cruisers where I got 5 free rum punches (these events were on three separate days...I didn't just walk around tanked the whole time), so that was pretty sweet.

Glad to be home, though, and I know you're all glad to read my inane typing again. Tomorrow I will start with the stories, and hopefully by then I will have two eyes, because typing with just one kind of sucks. A lot.