In honor of the upcoming festivities and such, I don't have to go into work for a few days, so I am going to wear my unicorn t-shirt all day today to celebrate. I am also going to be super traditional this year and follow all of my "time off work" traditions, and I figured I might as well share them, because some of them are downright amazing. Well, really, all of them are. Here goes!

First, I am going to eat cookies for breakfast whenever possible, in order to keep my energy up. Cookies are the perfect blend of carbohydrates, fats and chocolate chips, so I should be all set, nutritionally speaking.

Second, it is important to wear pajama pants as much as possible. If you have to go somewhere, you can even keep them on and just put a jacket over your t-shirt, because the people at the drive-through aren't going to judge and I don't think they really see that much of your pants, anyway.

Third, always make sure you set aside at least five hours each day to watch deliciously crappy TV. If you have Netflix, now's the time to watch Troll 2 (hint, hint).

Fourth, if your hair will go into a mohawk, you should probably do that, so you can attempt to look as awesome as I do.

Fifth, make sure you remember all of the funny stories about junk that happened at work, so you can compete with all of the others at Thanksgiving dinner and win the "I work in the awfullest office" prize. I may win this year, but we'll have to wait and see.

Finally, and most importantly of all, remember that wine is made from grapes and is therefore a fruit. Even though you've covered the cookie food group, you need at least five servings of fruit a day, so get on that.

That is all. Enjoy your holiday and (hopefully) your time away from your office, and don't drive drunk or I'll hunt you down and force you to watch every single episode of Family Guy ever made with me, and I'll say all of the lines with the characters and annoy the heck out of you. That's a promise.