I know, I know. It's Christmastime and we're all supposed to be jolly and indulgent and whatnot. However, I think you should know that your little bundle of joy is a menace to society.
I realize that there wasn't a ton of legroom going on in there, but you should also know that I am used to kids, and at no time in my life have I experienced the level of seat-back-kicking that I experienced yesterday. Seriously. I feel all bruised up and the pictures I tried to take of our friends didn't turn out because I was being constantly jolted out of my seat by your nine-year-old's surprisingly sturdy little legs.
Next time, if I want a massaging chair, I'll go sit in one at the mall.
Tell your kid and all the others of his kind that there are still people like me in the world. I refrained last night because it's Christmas and I didn't want to give the other kids nightmares, but I'm the type of lady who will turn around and ask him to knock it off. First time, just the scary voice, but if I have to turn around a second time, your kid will experience "THE FACE."
Yeah, buddy, that's all caps.
I learned the technique from my mom, who learned it from my grandma, who (I'm guessing) learned it from her mom. I never experienced that look from my Granny, but from my Grandma? Oh, yeah. You know that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where they open up the ark and that guy's face melts off?
Like this:
Yep. That's what happens when you receive "THE FACE." I'm just warning you now, so your kid can tone down his thigh exercises. If we meet up again, it may not be Christmastime and I may not be feeling so charitable. Watch out.
Hugs and Kisses,
The Lady Who Sat in Front of You at the Concert Last Night, Who Was Seriously Annoyed At About Ten Minutes in, but is Extremely Proud of Herself this Morning for Reining in the Terror
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