There's this lady I know, and I'm pretty sure she's a witch. Not a Earth-worshiping person or that sort of thing, because a lot of those kinds of witches are actually just like you and me, except they have a different kind of church, but an actual witch. I'm talking Hansel and Gretel. My husband thinks she's spooky, but I don't think he really believes me that she's got to be a witch because whenever we pass her he always wants me to say something to her, and maybe ask if she's a witch. I guess he didn't get the memo that confronting a witch is always a bad idea. Always.


First off, she smells bad. She doesn't bathe, I guess, and if a person is unlucky enough to have to walk past her on the same side of the street, the stench is overpowering. I mean, I can smell her from the inside of a house if she walks past. I'm not exaggerating, either. Whoa. I don't know if that's a witch thing or not, but the ones on TV always look like they may be having issues in the hygiene department.


Secondly, she always wears a winter coat. Even in the summer. Maybe she's just cold, but I think maybe she has some weird witchy thing going on in there. Maybe witches are always cold when they go outside because they're always brewing up some potion and whatnot in their cauldrons. I realize it's the 21st century, and she probably has a microwave, but those get pretty hot, too.


Third, she's spooky. Like, all kinds of spooky. I shiver when she walks by, and I don't usually do that unless it's a real witch.


I'm totally right on this one. I think by just writing about it, I may get cursed or something, but I'll take my chances. Everybody knows witches don't use computers. Also, she doesn't really wear a pointy hat and I think those are required. Perhaps she feels too conspicuous in it and leaves it at home, but I think the winter coat in summer is conspicuous enough. 


Or maybe she's just sick or something, and I just cemented my status as a bad person. Eesh. That is a distinct possibility. The smell, though....it's got to be an issue when workmen working in a yard, shoveling manure into a flowerbed, comment on the smell. Yep, that really happened.


Conversely, this could be the result of less sleep than usual and me having access to a computer at 5:30 in the morning. I think maybe this blog is my form of drunk dialing.