I love the Schwan's man. Okay, well, mostly I love what he has in his truck, but he's also pretty cool, too. That being said, Schwan's day is a source of major turmoil at my house. It seems like we spend hours battling it out between the ice cream sandwiches and the chocolate ice cream bars and the sundae cones. Why not get them all? Because I will eat them, and that's bad.


We usually go through the catalog together while I'm cooking dinner and we're waiting for his truck to arrive. I know it's not good to shop when I'm hungry, but this is different. Everything in the catalog always looks so awesome that even when I'm not hungry, I get hungry. So there's that.


Then, we have a discussion about why we should or shouldn't buy a 50-lb. bag of tater tots or fried cheese bites. I lost yesterday, or, I should say, my good sense lost and we ended up buying the fried cheese bites. Why on earth would anyone who's on a diet buy something called fried cheese bites? Because she's an idiot. That pretty much sums that one up.


I also pick a healthy main dish of some sort, which usually sits for weeks in the freezer before I remember that we have it. Then I'll find it and make it, and we'll both sit there and say, "Mmmm...this is so good...we should totally buy more of this."


We're both lying. We know we're going back for more cheese bites and ice cream, because that's what's really delicious. We do have lots of vegetables in the freezer, too, but you don't see me having a sudden craving for a big old bowl of green beans.


Vegetables are fine, fruit is slightly better, but I think the most important food groups should be ice cream and fried foods. Fried ice cream would, therefore, be the base of my food pyramid. Above that would be fried non-ice cream foods, then above that would be cheese, then above that would be non-fried ice cream. At the very top of my food pyramid would be popcorn. I do love popcorn, so my pyramid isn't really a triangle. It's more of a square.


It's also not really fixed, as it fluctuates depending upon what I feel like eating. Meatball sandwich? It's on there, because it has cheese, so it fits into that group. Cake and cookies also fit into the ice cream section, because ice creams sometimes have cake and/or cookies in them. Coffee has cream in it (well, mine does), so it fits into the cheese section, because cheese is made of milk, and so is cream.


See? One can rationalize anything. That's why I love Schwan's. Not only do they have a catalog with brightly colored, appealing photos of food in it, but they also come right to me. No pesky trips to the store.


Maybe these are the reasons I will forever be on a diet: My inherent laziness and love of all things dairy, fried or popped. Or maybe I'm just a masochist. At any rate, I still have a bag of fried cheese in my freezer, so I guess I'm okay with it.