After watching the Super Bowl, I realized that it only takes two things to sell a product:  Boobs. Most of the commercials that were really good (and you could tell which ones were good by the amount of money the advertiser spent on the commercial) had a woman in either a bikini or some kind of shirt that let her boobs hang out. (Note that I didn't say "entertaining.") The way I figure it, there must be something to the whole boobs thing. They must be really awesome for so many people to spend so much time and money to put them on TV. Therefore, I need to start putting boobs on my advertisements for my business. I mean, it has absolutely nothing to do with my business, but what do boobs have to do with beer or cars? I have boobs, but I don't drink a lot of beer, and I certainly don't drive an expensive car (or slide down the front of it with my boobs hanging out). Plus, you can really tell that having big boobs is more important than, say, having a personality or being smart.


I think I may have just won the award for having the highest use of the word "boobs" in a single blog page. Just in case, here's some more: Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs.


What happened to the cute commercials? The ones with puppies and kittens and little kids doing cute stuff? Or even farting? Come on. Those are great. There was one that had a little kid that had recovered from cancer, and that was good, but it made me cry, and it's embarrassing to cry in front of everybody, so I had to fake allergies, which was a lot of effort and I would've rather just not seen the commercial. I do like football, so it wasn't like I was just watching the game for the commercials, but I was overall pretty disappointed. It seemed like sex won out this year over funny. Funny should always win that battle.


Maybe I've just turned into a feminist in my old age. I don't know. It just seems to me like young girls shouldn't see that stuff being portrayed as awesome. Being smart is awesome, or so I'm told. Being funny is, too, along with being clever and being nice and being creative. Since we're over 50% of the population, can't we, I don't know, stop marketing the idea that women are air-headed bimbos that were created to be looked at, but not really taken seriously? I don't know about you, but if that's all I offer to the world, I'm in trouble. Serious trouble. I will never be that girl, unless they suddenly stop making cake and Clover Club barbecue potato chips (please don't let that happen), and I get massive plastic surgery to remedy my defects. 


Plus, I think girls aren't supposed to make fart jokes or enjoy sporting events or be able to fix broken stuff and I do all of those things. I can also do math and check the oil in my car. In addition, I know the difference between a crescent wrench and a hammer. That should count for something, too.


To sum up:  If you want to sell something, put boobs in your ad. If you want to be a great human being, worry less about the boobs and more about making quality fart jokes. The end.