For me, there are many moments in life that are awkward. This is probably because I think everything's funny, and I don't think everyone else sees situations the same way I do. However, one of the most awkward, to me, is when you meet someone's significant other, and you think, "Ugh," but you can't really say anything about it, because it's too late.


Recently, I met some old friends, whom I hadn't seen for ages, and I finally got to meet my friend's husband. Ugh. Just awful. One of those people who is fairly unintelligent, has no sense of humor and isn't attractive enough to pull off the amount of stupid in his head. Now, my friend is pretty and smart and funny and just an altogether awesome person. So what can I say?


Later, I talk to her on the phone and she asks me, "So what did you think? Isn't he the best?" I have, fortunately, prepared myself for the question, so I answer, "I'm so glad I got to meet him! You two seem so happy together!"


This was not true, mind you. They did not seem happy. They seemed miserable, they had no chemistry, and their only eye contact occurred when discussing an appetizer.


Ugh.


I am so happy I'm married to someone I actually like.


I think maybe I should start a marriage consulting service. You know, tell people if they're horribly mismatched. That way, it will be easier on their friends and they won't be known forever as The Couple With The Awful Wife (or Husband). Those are just the worst. I'm pretty sure there are people out there who would disagree with my taste in these matters, but I'm just as sure that they would be wrong. Have we not learned yet that I am always right?


Some people need a lot more training than others.


Athough it would be kind of rough, I think being The Couple With The Awful Wife would have its advantages. For instance, you'd never have your weekends booked months in advance. You'd also never be asked to go to birthday parties or wedding/baby showers, so that's a lot less gift-buying. 


Wait. My paranoia has just kicked in. Maybe we're that couple. Maybe I'm The Awful Wife. 


Hahahahahahahaha. No way. I'm flipping awesome. Anyone who thinks that is probably The Awful Wife herself, and anyone who'd say that about my husband had better prepare for surgery. You know, the kind it would require to remove my foot from her insidey parts. Because he is just outstanding.


Okay, so maybe it's mean to think someone's spouse is awful. Maybe I need to look for something nice to say. Or maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. Yep. I think that's the answer. Keeping my mouth shut. Not saying a word.


This is going to be difficult.