Why, yes. Keep reading, won't you?
I want to inform people about a situation of which they may not even be aware. Car manufacturers do not regularly install super secret spy glass that makes the occupants of a car protected from the eyes of the general public.
In short, you're not invisible inside your car.
I know, I know, it's hard to wrap your mind around it, but it's time you knew the truth.
Yesterday, I saw several of what I like to call, "Moving Violations." (I realize the police use this term, too, and I think it's getting confusing and they should just choose another way to say it...it works so much better for me). They were primarily of the same type, which is why I felt compelled to warn the public about the lack of privacy in their personal means of conveyance.
So, please, don't pick your nose at a stoplight unless you are prepared for other people to see you. Because we DO see you.
I saw (and counted, because I totally do have a life, thank you very much) EIGHT nose-pickers. That's the most in one day for me. The closest up to that point had been five, so I felt like yesterday was kind of a big day for snot fishing.
At any rate, there were several good ones: There was a couple, both picking away and each looking out of his or her own window, so they didn't really see one another; there was a little kid, looking at me looking at him, totally not feeling self-conscious (Why should he? Go, little man, go!); there was a teenage girl doing it in a parking lot, sitting in the back seat and, I'm guessing, waiting for her parents while trying to avoid pulling out her ginormous nose ring (hope that worked out for her); and there were a few guys in suits (which is very boring, because I've seen a billion of those-guys in suits can't keep their fingers out of their noses-it's pretty much the law); and, finally, there was my favorite one, which I shall describe to you now, in great detail, because that's how the wondrousness that is the cavern of my mind works.
I was stopped at a light, and I was looking in the mirror at the lady behind me. I noticed her because she looked so ridiculously sad. Like, a kind of sad that makes me sad, because I feel bad for whatever just happened to give her that sort of human basset hound face. Oh, and I also noticed her because she looked like one of the patients at the office where I work, so for a minute I thought it was her, but then I realized it wasn't. Anyhow, I was watching her be sad, and feeling like, "Aw, poor lady. I hope she doesn't start crying, because if she does, I'm going to cry too, and I just don't want to right now." Then, all of a sudden, she points her finger towards the sky and just jabs it in there. Like, all the way in there. I was pretty sure she was touching her brain, and I couldn't believe there was enough room in her skull to fit that much finger up into the Bat-Cave.
She fished around in there for a good ten seconds.
The light still hadn't changed at this point. It felt like time had frozen, and I was hearing that dramatic music in my head that they play during gladiator movies in the fighting scenes. You know, those movies where there's fighting and boobs and no real need for a plot.
Then, with the most triumphant face of all time, she pulled out whatever it was that was inhabiting her nostril, looked at it for a second, and then...
...you know what's coming next...
...yep, she ate it. And smiled. And then went back to looking like the saddest sad I've ever seen.
The light turned green, and I drove away, never to see Booger Lady again. But I know she's out there, just waiting for another monumental booger harvest.
So, yeah, pretty busy day on the nose-picking front, and people need to be aware that I can and will watch them pick their noses in their cars. I can't help it. It's what I do.
Little PSA, from me to you.
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