It's time that we all stopped this charade: When we speak, we don't pronounce words that have an s on the end with a sssss on the end. We use a zzzzz sound.

Therefore, I am going to petition the person that makes up the laws regarding language to change all of those words that end in s that sound more like a z, so that they now will end with z.

Plus, that would be super funny.

All of my work today will be spelled thusly: "Mrz. Smith iz coming in becauze she haz a toothache." Come on, you know it makes sense. Plus, it lookz much more ghetto, and I do have a deep and abiding love of all thingz ghetto (and yes, I did just pronounce that word in my head with the t sound, not a d sound, because I think it's hilarious and, really, it'z all about making me laugh). 

There are some wordz, az you can tell from my last paragraph, that won't be affected, of course. It just dependz on whether I pronounce them with an s or a z sound. They'll figure it out, though ("they" being the group of language dorkz that they keep locked in a small, windowless office for occasions like this).

I think this will be much better for everyone. We'll all look a little more street, at least on paper, and I will laugh more, which is really, as I've pointed out numerous timez, the goal.