It's the worst. I know what I have, but a lot of times I haven't even attempted to put it on in months, or sometimes even years. I did a little better this time, because I thought it out beforehand and purchased new pantyhose and other such nonsense, but still, it was pretty awful.
Everything looks better on a hanger in my closet. It also looks better in my mind when I think about how I looked the last time I wore it.
Fortunately for me, I only purchased the dresses I will be wearing (it's a multi-day thing) a couple of months ago, so they actually fit better than they did the last time I wore them. However, they both require the wearing of the pantyhose because sometimes, when a person loses weight around her mid-section, there is this magical thing that happens where the skin is still there, it's just not as firmly packed with fat, so it is jiggly.
That magical thing happens to me a lot. It's not really that magical.
At any rate, trying stuff on requires a lot of time and/or squeezing into pantyhose and pretty shoes that are not necessarily the most comfortable, and then standing in the hallway, blocking access to the only full-length mirror in the house.
My husband loves that part, especially when he was the one that started to try on clothes and I totally cut him off to get in there. However, in my defense, I wanted to see if our outfits would clash and also if we would look okay together.
Well, he looks cute.
I, on the other hand, do not look nearly as much like Dorothy from The Golden Girls as I wanted to, and therefore I am disappointed. I really need to get that shiny, smooth Dorothy Zbornak thing going on. You know, with an outfit like this:
from thegoldengirlsreviewedby.com
Yep. It's fabulous. It's like a boxer's robe with a bow tie. And all of that could be mine if I could just figure out where to purchase or even find a pattern for such an ensemble.
But then again, it's a wedding. And I don't want to take attention away from the people involved so maybe my normal dress is a better idea.
I still hate pantyhose. It's gross and it makes my legs look way too tan, even though I didn't get the suntan color, I got the buff color, which I believe is another term for skin color. My legs are just normally white. Actual white, not the white people skin tone that Crayola miserably failed to re-create, and that the pantyhose people have decided upon. That skin color is a lie. No one is naturally that orange unless they have some kind of vitamin deficiency or something like that.
I just don't tan. I burn and then become pale again. I think I came from cave people or someone who lived underground and had absolutely no melanin at all.
At any rate, trying on clothes at home is the worst. It always makes me feel as though I should throw everything out except my big shirts and only wear them, along with my big pants. I know, though, that I can't do that. Because that would just be too easy.
Stupid pantyhose.
Grumble grumble.
But someday I will find a source for clothes that are like Dorothy's clothes. Perhaps I will even get me a bowtie. And look how stern and judgmental she is! Someday, man. Someday.
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