I made my diet goal a week early!

I feel like that's a dangerous thing.

Usually, if I make my goal (which is rare, because losing weight is a slow and painful process for me, which I like to make even more painful by giving myself unrealistic goals, such as losing 50 pounds in a week), it's right in the nick of time and then I do whatever event it is (usually something requiring a tight dress), and then I proceed to eat fries and drink beer and undo the good weigh-in.

But not this time, buddy.

Mostly because I've had a killer stomachache for three days, but still. I get stress stomach which is probably a good thing because it prevents me from eating anything really good. You know, like alcohol, greasy food, jalapeños. Mmmmmm. Jalapeños. Which I've been eating a lot of anyway because they don't have a lot of calories and they are delicious.

But I don't think they've done too well with the increased amount of ibuprofen I've been taking for my jaw. It feels like someone detonated some kind of acid bomb in my gut and now it's a little burnt and uncomfortable in there.

And I don't even care, because I lost THREE pounds this week. THREE. All caps.

At any rate, we don't have our special, dress-wearing event for another week, so there's still time for me to lose more. Maybe even another three pounds. 

Hahahahahahahahahaha....who am I kidding? I never get two good weeks in a row. I get five weeks of half a pound, followed by a week of a pound, and then this magnificence, which will be followed by a three-week dry spell with either no loss or small gains, and then the half pound losses will start up again. Maybe.

This isn't science, you know. It has a lot to do with magic and also unicorns. And also how much I'm going to sing in the shower, because despite tossing and turning and not being able to turn off my brain last night, and despite not being able to eat any delicious jalapeños because my stomach is being a little ridiculous, I LOST THREE POUNDS THIS WEEK.

Nothing else is going to matter today. It's a little Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat up in here today. Things may get weird.

Oh, well.