On Friday night, my husband and I went out to dinner, and it was very nice, except for one thing: We were just about the only people, at least in our section, that were talking to each other and not completely engaged in our smartphones. The glow from the light of the phones onto the people's faces would've been funny or maybe added ambiance if it hadn't been so sad.

I like my texting just as much as the next person, but really? You go our to dinner with friends to text other friends?

I'm not talking about an occasional checking of the phone, either. It was full-on absorption with no conversation or interaction. There was one particular table that had five people at it, and they were all glued to their machines. It was a little disheartening.

Of course, there was the "middle-aged date night" table that my husband completely missed out on, where the wife (who was about my mom's age, so, yeah, old enough to know better) had purchased breadstick-looking things and was sucking cheese sauce off of them while raising and lowering her eyebrows at her husband (boyfriend, date, whatever), who was fidgeting and looking slightly embarrassed. That table was not sad in the same way, but I was still trying to avoid looking at it, because the lady reminded me of my fourth grade social studies teacher, and the thought of her sucking condiments off of a pole of bread makes me want to vomit.

So, maybe put your phones down at the table. Can you? You're paying good money to spend time at a restaurant (okay, maybe it wasn't anything fancy, but it wasn't Taco Bell, either) with these people. Maybe if you can't stand them enough to talk to them for an hour or so over a meal, you should look for other friends (I don't count the table with the four kids...the parents were smiling at each other as their kids played with the parents' cell phones...I thoroughly approve of that method in restaurants, as it leads to extended periods of silence and the children getting along, albeit temporarily).

And no overtly sexual flirting with your spouse in public, please. I feel like I saw something I'd normally have to go to a creepy theater downtown and pay a $9.99 admission fee to see (or however much they charge...as you may have guessed, I've never actually gone to one of those, as the cost in hand sanitizer alone before I could even sit down in one of those seats would be astronomical, not to mention having to burn my clothing afterwards and I wouldn't see anything because I'd just have to hide my head the whole time anyway from embarrassment). Ew. Just...no.