It's the morning I dread every year: The morning I have to go take my fasting blood test at the hospital, one week before my physical.

I don't really dread the physical. They've been the same since I was nine or so. I go in, fill out some papers, and wait. I get called back, weighed, my vitals taken, and wait. The doctor comes in, asks me if I am aware that I have a weight problem, looks into my ears and nose, ups my thyroid medication, and then I go home. Or to work. You know, wherever it is that I go lead my thrilling life afterwards.

The blood test, though, sucks. Big time.

I have to get up and NOT EAT and NOT DRINK COFFEE. I just have to do all of the other morning things without the help of my bowl o' sugar and caffeine. Then, I have to go to the hospital and get the orders from my doctors' office, then walk over to the lab and wait for the blood to be drawn.

All of this, without my Lucky Charms. Or Honey Nut Chex. Or Apple Jacks. None. No cereal. And did I mention NO COFFEE?

I'm barely human without my breakfast routine.

That is why fasting blood test day is the worst. Also because I never know if they're going to ask me to pee, but it doesn't really matter because there's just no way. Once I'm within fifty feet of a doctor's office, I can't pee. My kidneys just suck up all of the fluid in my body, tell my bladder to back off and then they go into hibernation mode. This state of being lasts just long enough for me to get into my car and get back on the road. Then, ten minutes away from wherever I'm going, my bladder is immediately full. Like DEFCON 1 full (I learned that DEFCON 1 is the worst, not DEFCON 5 or whatever---I can't remember where I learned it from, but I'm going with that). And I have to hold it for ten minutes and I feel like my bladder is going to explode. 

I usually want to turn around and go back, but I've done that before and not been able to make it work. Seriously. I am that horrible at peeing in a cup.

So, yep. Hate fasting blood test day.