Today, I would like to discuss a song that keeps getting played on my Pandora station, regardless of several thumbs-down clickings: Lana Del Rey's delightful ballad, "Young and Beautiful," which, if anyone hasn't heard it, is a delightful piece with all of the wisdom and pathos expected from an 18-year-old.

Except that I think she's almost 30.

At any rate, I'm glad we have these people for the young kids. They need to know all of the really true things; for instance, the fact that the month of July is, in fact, forever. Also, when one prays to God, it's usually a good idea to ask if one can bring her man with her to heaven because his body makes her want to party. This is a really important consideration when deciding on a heaven posse.

Oh, and also the fact that the word "body" does, indeed, rhyme with the word "party." Except that it kind of sounds like she's saying "potty."

Which makes me laugh.

At any rate, thank you, Lana Del Rey, for reminding us that you're not just another pretty face. No. You have at least 65 I.Q. points and you're going to show off those mo-fos in as many songs as you possibly can before you're no longer young and beautiful.

Wait. Why were the city lights on during the crazy days? Or were they?

It's a question for the ages.

Also, why is she so bored the whole time that she's forced to sing out of her nose? It sounds painful.

I feel that this song leaves me with more questions than answers, but Pandora must have a reason for continuing to play it on my station. So I will continue my quest for answers.

I need to know why people buy albums from these people who just make me want to break my iPod and run away to a place where they play nothing but Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. WHY?