This is an open letter to a very special Mom:

Dear Ma'am,

Thank you ever so much for brightening up our office and our lives by bringing in your sick child. We really appreciate the upgrade in our smell situation; sterility doesn't quite measure up to the nasal delight brought about by a ton of vomit ground into carpet.

In addition, I would like to also express our gratitude for the extra vomit that you encouraged your offspring to provide to our garbage can, without informing us, instead of wasting that delicious scent by taking him to the bathroom and having him flush it down the toilet.

Rarely do we see Mothers that take such care not to over-parent their children; rather, you encouraged him to take care of it on his own, as any reasonable four-year-old should. I hope that you found our magazine selection entertaining. I know that I certainly appreciated the opportunity to change and sanitize garbage cans and to try to Lysol the puke smell out of the towels with which the floor was scrubbed.

Finally, I want to give you our most sincere apologies for expecting your help in cleaning up the vomit, or even expecting you to treat our employees with common courtesy. Our staff is, obviously, full of peons who should be treated as such and you were completely correct to not thank, apologize to, or otherwise show manners or grace to our administrative personnel. They, indeed, do not have any feelings.

On a personal note, I was feeling nauseous already this morning, as a result of a day-long migraine yesterday and very little sleep last night, and I want to tell you how pleased I am, as this pushed me over the edge, and I really didn't need that breakfast I ate, anyway. I do appreciate your help in that arena.

Have a delightful day...I know no one in here will forget your visit anytime soon.

Your New Best Pal for Life,

That Person At The Front Desk Whose Name Really Doesn't Matter Anyway