My studio's Christmas recital is only a month away, so we are in full-on repeat mode to make sure everyone's super memorized. One of the songs I'm hearing frequently is My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, and it's been stuck in my head since yesterday, so I thought I'd share a list of my favorite things about my dental office job.

Yes, there may be some sarcasm on this list.

5. It is always my favorite when you come in five minutes late and then say you have to run to the bathroom. That means our schedule is thrown off by seven minutes or so, and they have to do forty-five minutes of work in only thirty-eight minutes. Nice. Make the people with sharp instruments in your mouth rush.

4. It's also my favorite when we hit a snag and are running a few minutes behind, and you get up in my face about it. Because, yes, I can totally help it. I can definitely control time and space and make that weird thing the doctor just found in someone's mouth that she's having to work around go away. Yep. Magical me. Therefore, come up and get mad. It'll help.

3. Another of my personal happy times is when you eat onions and garlic and b.o. and then come in without bathing or brushing your teeth. It's a small office with horrible ventilation. Yes, I do love smelling your b.o. all day long. Bonus points if you sit in my waiting area and fart.

2. There's no denying the delightfulness that occurs when you hit on one of the staff. I know, it's hard to resist someone who's wearing baggy scrubs and a mask, who's removing plaque and tartar and decay from your mouth. It's even cooler when you throw in the fact that the person you're aggressively hitting on is basically forced to be nice to you or she can lose her job. So, yes, pretty much a singles' bar up in there. Go for it!

1. Finally, my number one, tippy toppest, most favorite thing of all about my job? When patients yell at me because they have to pay for stuff. I've had three irate women so far this week, and I'm sure there'll be more today. I really do have control over the market prices, and it's not like my bosses went to dental school and it took a bunch of time and money to complete their training. Not to mention the nasty, slimy filth that lives in mouths with which they get to be up close and personal. Yeah, they don't really need to get paid for that. It's a privilege for them to get to scrape that crap off of your teeth and to pay thousands of dollars a year for special insurance in case they lose a finger or get sued by someone. So, yes, do come in and yell at me about having to pay for stuff. It's not like I know your address and the fact that you live in a $500,000 house, or that I know where you and your husband work, and I can pretty accurately estimate that you make more in a month than I do in a year. Go on and treat me like a pile of dog crap that just ruined your fancy shoes. Indeed, I do control the prices, and I can totally write off your entire bill if you're mean enough.

Today's going to be amazing. I can just feel it.