Ah, Christmas prep time. I love it. I was remarking to my husband that, now that November is about over, I only have one more month of the year that I actually like before I hate everything again.

Yep, I like October, November and December. That's it.

I know some people long for the spring and all that, but I seriously hate it. So my year is divided up into four parts. Not Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring, but similar.

First it's not Fall. It's "Ah, let's eat cookies and start on Christmas presents!" season, at least, in my brain. Because that's what I do. It's also hikey time, but this year I have failed to take even one hike, and that is just horrible, so I'm ignoring it for now. This season runs from October through November and is my all-time favorite.

After Fall comes "Christmas! Wait...it's over...can we at least get a snow day?" season, which runs from December through the beginning part of January. This year, for example, we were promised the whole El Niño deal, but I'm not buying it. I do love me some Christmas, but as soon as that's over, it's time for...

"How did I gain that much weight over Christmas? Holy crap, I need new pants. It's also going to be hot soon." season. Yes, the most angsty season of the year. Post-holiday-time feelings plus the anticipation of warm weather. Oh, and also the juniper, but since that's pretty much year-round, it can't really be crammed into a season. This one goes from January until May.

Finally, my most hated season of all, the one that makes me want to die for three solid months every year (this year was particularly wretched), "Why did we buy a leather couch? My thighs are stuck to it and I can't free them. No, I didn't work out, I was too busy sweating and complaining." season. Hate it. June through September. Maybe this year I will get that pesky time travel thing invented and just skip it.

Let me have my pretends. I've only got this one month of decent left before I hate life again. 

Well, it's the day before Thanksgiving and I'm not off work, but I have so much to do. I have to figure it out, because this week I ended up spending way too much time in the office and not enough time getting my own crap done. So today is catch up day, and it's probably going to kick my butt.

However, I don't mind busy. What DO I mind? Fifty thousand Facebook posts about everyone in their pajamas all day today, and knowing half of my students won't show up for lessons today because they'll forget because they all have the day off. Seriously.

When did we start adding days to holidays? I don't have the kind of job where I get holiday pay, so two days off, unpaid, is plenty for me, thanks. Especially since I just took a big old vacation and stuff. When did Thanksgiving Wednesday become a thing? Where was I?

I was probably in my head, not paying attention, but still.

Oh, well. I'll figure it out. I may not be able to wear pajamas all day, but I'll still get to bake my pies, so that's good, and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to change out of regular pants by 6 pm. That would be swell.

And maybe next year, I'll remember, and just take today off like everybody else.

P.S. I'm totally not shopping ANYWHERE on Thursday or Friday. Not at all. I'm going to celebrate how thankful I am, and not buy into the meaningless consumerism that's ruining the holidays. Just a thought. Also, so many people. It makes me die. You should stay home, too, if you can. And if you have to work, ugh. I'm so, so sorry for all the crazy you have to deal with.

So this week was pretty poopy for me, and I thought it would be a good idea to take a few minutes to write down some good things. Just so I can remember when everything is not going as I'd like it to.

I have an awesome family. We fight and we disagree about ever so many things, and I think I may be more foul-mouthed than my mother ever thought a lady could be, but we also love the crap out of each other. We worry about each other and we stick our noses in each other's business, and we bug the heck out of each other. Because even though we have different ideals and religions and politics and lifestyles, we are an exclusive club of weirdos and we will always care for each other. So, yeah, awesome.

I have really cool friends. I worry sometimes that one day they will figure out what a dork I really am, but so far, so good. And even though I am perpetually busy and never have time to hang out, they still let me Facebook stalk them and occasionally meet me for a beer. That's pretty darn great.

I live in the most beautiful little house I've ever seen. These walls are mine, along with all of the weeds and the dust and the gorgeous baby trees. It's like Wild Kingdom in my backyard, except with birds, gophers and bunnies, rather than lions and stuff. I get to live here. Even though it's hard to fit all the crap I want to do in here, this is mine. Well, ours. And having a warm, safe place to live is freaking incredible.

Most importantly of all, I have a person. My very own person to take care of and bother whenever I want. He's mine, and I'm his, and there's no undoing that. And he has the the most lustrous hair you've ever seen, so that's pretty sweet. Also, he fixes all of the broken things and makes sure I don't forget the important stuff, which is vital because I inherited my father's memory for daily tasks. Basically, I can remember everybody's age and favorite color and what my mom's favorite dessert is, but I can't remember why I went to the grocery store or which bills I've paid this month. And he is just all-around lovely and I would pick him again in a minute.

So, yep. I have all of that. The other stuff is just extra. Plus, Thanksgiving is around the corner, so I should probably remember all this and get on board with the thankfulness.

I have some voice teacher confessions to make. It's been one heck of a week, and I feel like I should just get these things out in the open.

1. I start preparing for Christmas in August because you guys don't practice. If I thought you would be consistent, we would start in October, but we both know that's not going to happen. The few people who actually have their stuff together get to do fun Christmas songs and everybody else just gets to sing their pieces over and over with me, because they're not doing it at home. Trust me, you'll be glad we did.

2. Sometimes, the thought of teaching your kid makes me want to run into the bathroom and hide. But I can't. I know I'm going to have to sit through thirty minutes of, "I couldn't practice this week. My mom wouldn't let me." and I just don't want to have to keep a straight face so I know I'm just going to look down at my notebook and have your kid basically do a practice session with me. Instead of learning, which is what lessons should be, you're paying me to watch your kid do something he should've done a few times at home. Nice.

3. I know when your kid is spending ten minutes in the bathroom to avoid the above. And there's nothing I can do about it, except wait it out. Sorry.

4. I give out certain Christmas songs only to people who can sing them well enough to not make me die inside. There's a reason we don't do Silent Night very often: Because I like it and I'm picky.

5. Please take note that it takes me weeks to work up the courage to send you a note about your kid. I don't do it lightly, but sometimes it seems like the student is actually getting worse from week to week. When I do express my concerns and then you're dismissive, it lets me know that you're just using this as expensive daycare. Therefore, my goal for your student basically changes to getting through the half hour without anyone crying. Myself included.

6. Recitals are hard. No one likes them. I hate them worse than all the rest of you because I have to do all of the work. Don't act as though you're doing me a favor by being in it. This is all for your benefit, people. I would rather spend my evening at home watching Netflix and eating Chinese food.

7. I love some of your kids so much that I have periodic bouts of thinking I'm missing out on something by being childless. Thank goodness for those other kids that pull me out of my insanity.

8. Finally, I work two other jobs so I can afford to do this. It means something to me. Every time you cancel at the last minute or act as though the little bit you pay me is too much for what I do, it insults me and hurts my feelings. Maybe, I don't know, treat me how you'd like to be treated, and we'll all be just fine.

That is all. 

My studio's Christmas recital is only a month away, so we are in full-on repeat mode to make sure everyone's super memorized. One of the songs I'm hearing frequently is My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, and it's been stuck in my head since yesterday, so I thought I'd share a list of my favorite things about my dental office job.

Yes, there may be some sarcasm on this list.

5. It is always my favorite when you come in five minutes late and then say you have to run to the bathroom. That means our schedule is thrown off by seven minutes or so, and they have to do forty-five minutes of work in only thirty-eight minutes. Nice. Make the people with sharp instruments in your mouth rush.

4. It's also my favorite when we hit a snag and are running a few minutes behind, and you get up in my face about it. Because, yes, I can totally help it. I can definitely control time and space and make that weird thing the doctor just found in someone's mouth that she's having to work around go away. Yep. Magical me. Therefore, come up and get mad. It'll help.

3. Another of my personal happy times is when you eat onions and garlic and b.o. and then come in without bathing or brushing your teeth. It's a small office with horrible ventilation. Yes, I do love smelling your b.o. all day long. Bonus points if you sit in my waiting area and fart.

2. There's no denying the delightfulness that occurs when you hit on one of the staff. I know, it's hard to resist someone who's wearing baggy scrubs and a mask, who's removing plaque and tartar and decay from your mouth. It's even cooler when you throw in the fact that the person you're aggressively hitting on is basically forced to be nice to you or she can lose her job. So, yes, pretty much a singles' bar up in there. Go for it!

1. Finally, my number one, tippy toppest, most favorite thing of all about my job? When patients yell at me because they have to pay for stuff. I've had three irate women so far this week, and I'm sure there'll be more today. I really do have control over the market prices, and it's not like my bosses went to dental school and it took a bunch of time and money to complete their training. Not to mention the nasty, slimy filth that lives in mouths with which they get to be up close and personal. Yeah, they don't really need to get paid for that. It's a privilege for them to get to scrape that crap off of your teeth and to pay thousands of dollars a year for special insurance in case they lose a finger or get sued by someone. So, yes, do come in and yell at me about having to pay for stuff. It's not like I know your address and the fact that you live in a $500,000 house, or that I know where you and your husband work, and I can pretty accurately estimate that you make more in a month than I do in a year. Go on and treat me like a pile of dog crap that just ruined your fancy shoes. Indeed, I do control the prices, and I can totally write off your entire bill if you're mean enough.

Today's going to be amazing. I can just feel it.

I have totally decided to do homemade Christmas this year. I'm not trying to be cheap; I just really want my gifts to mean something beyond taking two minutes to buy a gift card. I don't need anyone to buy me exactly what I want. I want something that made them think of me.

Yeah, I'm ruining the holiday for everybody else.

I just have decided, in recent years, that I hate the commercialism, and I'd rather have way less, but thoughtful stuff. So I'm making a huge portion of what I'm giving out for Christmas this year, and I'm pretty excited. I hope everybody else can deal.

My first project, that I decided on a month or two ago, is finally coming together, and it looks like it's going to be a success. It's a homemade skin care item, and let's just say that I tried it on myself yesterday, and I remain totally hive-free and it actually worked pretty well! So that's good.

I have a really long list of stuff to make, but it makes me happy. Maybe after Christmas I'll post what I did. The gift for the people at work is coming out really awesome, so I'll have to remember to take pictures.

At any rate, it's coming. Maybe we can all do our best to really be kind to one another and stop being turds. You know, in the spirit of Thanksgiving/Christmas time. Let's do that.

Alrighty. I had a bunch of questions the other day on the meat thing, and it got me thinking about exactly what it is that made me decide to keep on not eating meat. I haven't gone to full-on vegetarian, as I do eat soup made with chicken stock, and I will eat stuff that was cooked with meat and just pick the meat out. Also, I had pepperoni on my vacation, and it was pretty darn awesome.

Otherwise, I just don't eat meat. Or fish.

So, anyway, I guess what bothers me is the idea of these poor animals being raised in horrible conditions, being fed a bunch of crap, and then being killed so we can eat them. That's really it. I feel like if I buy milk from a good quality dairy, where the cows are treated well, that doesn't bother me, and if my eggs (as much as possible), come from a place where the chickens are fed well and treated humanely, that's okay too.

I realize it sounds a little wishy washy, but that's kind of how I roll.

So maybe if I felt like the animals got a little bit of kindness and were fed well, it wouldn't bug me. I don't know. But my whole life, I've had trouble with the idea, and I even had to pretend to myself that it was tofu pepperoni when I had that pizza. 

I am a very good pretender. It totally worked.

So, that's it. No deep philosophical or moral reasons. I have absolutely no problem with people eating meat. It just makes me sad to do it. I think I thought I might come up with a better, more compelling reason along the way, but I really haven't. Still just me, having some feelings, and despite thinking about trying to incorporate some meat into my diet, I just don't think it's time. I can get my protein somewhere else.

If only I could feel sad about eating cookies. That would be fantastic.

I decided, during my time at Disney World, to make a scavenger hunt so that everyone who takes a trip there can have just as much fun as I did. Be warned, though, it might take an hour or so to find all of these things, and it does require a park hopper pass, as you might need to visit multiple parks. Here we go!

1. Find twenty pairs of short shorts with a lace overlay. Really big ones count as two. Bonus points if the person wearing them has carefully coiffed hair that has just been ruined by a water ride.

2. Find someone throwing up in the bathrooms closest to The Mad Hatter ride. Those teacups can spin!

3. Find a mom with a group of four or more children who doesn't look like she's about to take an axe to the entire group. Bonus points if she's smiling. Good luck on this one.

4. Find a guy who is openly groping his girlfriend's butt while waiting in line to take pictures with Winnie the Pooh.

5. Find four full French fry cups, each just sitting on a table in the middle of an empty area.

6. Find twenty people using cell phones during a ride they just waited an hour to go on (20 sounds like a lot, but I think this is actually the easiest one).

7. Find a person who ordered the optional side of green beans rather than fries to go with their hamburger.

8. Find five guys in tank tops who are so hairy they keep getting mistaken for Brer Bear.

9. Find ten grown women (40s and up) who are wearing princess costumes, prancing, and tee-heeing.

10. Finally, find a drink. And a bench. You just won.

What's your prize? Just being awesome, my friends. Because that was rough, especially number three. Have a magical time.