I'm going to run for President. Yep, I've decided it's time. America needs its first President who stands for cereal, dignity for everyone, and no perfume.

The "no perfume" part is really the most important.

I have been having a lot of trouble with my eyes this summer; I'm not sure why, because the pollen counts are really pretty low, but it's been awful. I'm having to use allergy drops and Benadryl cream around my eyes twice a day just so I don't have to scratch out my eyeballs. It's pretty much the worst eye situation ever.

Anyway, I had finally gotten to the point where I could use the eye drops only once per day, and the cream too, and then yesterday happened. Now I'm all the way back to the beginning, thus my need to be elected President.

I'm going to make it illegal. Just watch me. And then I'll throw all the perfumes in jail FOREVER.

Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but seriously.

I went into work, with fully functioning eyes, and encountered a person who was wearing such strong perfume that my eyeballs immediately turned red and starting tearing up, and I had a lovely asthma attack. Gale-force winds of perfume were smacking me in my face and, as I was at work, there was nothing I could do.

It was really horrible.

By the end of my day in the office, my face was swollen, I had a massive headache, and my sinuses were completely clogged. It was good times. Then I had to go home and teach singing for a few hours, which is delightful when you're a big old snotty mess. With a headache.

At any rate, when I am President, no more of this. No more. I will outlaw all stinky smells, especially perfume, and this will all be over.

The rest of the things in the government may suffer, as I am a weenie and not very assertive. I can't help that. I just really hate perfume.