Knew something was up with the car.

Too bad.

Yes, we took it back. Apparently, oil leaks are a big deal, but so is having your bank call and tell you you paid way too much for a car.

Lesson learned? Don't ever even look at a car unless you've got some idea of what the value of it is. Even if it's nice.

And even if you have most adorable car salesman in the whole world. 

Seriously. He was so cute (in an old guy sort of way, not a hot guy sort of way), I probably would've bought anything from him. Even beets.

And I hate beets.

Yep, yesterday was rough.

Yep. I've been failing at writing blog posts. I know it's very disappointing for those of you who live to read my random thoughts. It's just been a trifle hectic, and I'm sort of dealing with trying not to freak out over things that go wrong, or things that could go wrong.

I'm just that sort of gal.

Anyway, we bought a new car last weekend. Well, new to us. It's pretty and a good car and all of that, but we've already had to put new tires on it and get it aligned, and it has a teeny oil leak, which we didn't discover until we got home from the dealer, which is two hours away.

They aren't having us come in for two weeks. I may die.

I know these aren't big problems, and otherwise, the car is fine, but seriously. This is a big chunk of money and I like for things to be as perfect as possible.

Oh, well. I'm thinking perfect is not in the cards.

Also, we finally got to book our trip to Ireland (it's only been ten years since we decided we wanted to go there). Pretty exciting, but also a little scary, since the refundable tickets are way out of our price range, so we are going. No matter what.

So we've been spending money. Two big purchases all at once. That also makes me nervous, even though they just happened to fall at the same time and they were both (kind of) planned. Yikes. Even though we're not overextending ourselves. Still yikes.

And that's life in our house right now. Most people would be happy and excited. I am nervous and crapping my pants for no good reason.

Yep. That's how I roll. Yay me.

I realize that it's my own fault I keep teeter-tottering around the same weight. I really do.

It still sucks and makes me feel like a big fatty fat failure. It also makes me feel like downing a pint of Häagen-Dazs and washing that down with a piña colada. Yeah, I know how to spell Häagen-Dazs. Umlaut and everything. I really don't think that's a sad thing, at all.

We went for our first big camping excursion in our new pop-up, and it was completely awesome, except for the weather. It was cold and windy, which meant we spent most of our time inside, playing games. Oh, and snacking. Oh, and drinking, too.

There was a high caloric intake, okay? I was weak.

At any rate, I weighed myself this morning, and I have just undone all of the little tiny incremental weight loss I've had over the last month.

In one weekend.

Yikes.

I am calling shenanigans. I think that I should be able to have a beer and some chips on the weekend and not feel like my pants aren't going to fit. I understand that I don't actually get a say in this, but I feel that I should. After all, it's my gargantuan stomach.

Oh, well. Birthday party and lunch out this weekend, which means nothing but lettuce and water for the next three days. Ugh.

Oh, and I should probably run a marathon while I'm at it.

And then I should probably learn to enjoy healthy stuff, like mushrooms and beets, instead of cocktails and pie.

Mmmmmm. Pie.

Anyhow, today I will do better. I did well Monday and Tuesday, but apparently, that wasn't enough.

But, still. Pie.

First camping trip of the season AND first one ever in our new little pop-up, and I'm having the worst, longest allergy attack of my life. Could be a cold, but I doubt it.

Yep. If it's not something, it's something else.

There are, however, pros AND cons to this situation. What are they, you ask? (Or maybe you didn't, but it's my blog so shut your pie-hole.) Here we go!

Cons: I am producing runny nose snot at a rate of four thousand kilos an hour. Or maybe five thousand. Just, a lot. It's gross. Also, I have a swollen gland in my neck that feels like I got punched there. My face is swollen from the excess mucus so I look a little weird, like I'm wearing a "Me" mask. Finally, I already have an issue about my breath (I'm really really paranoid about it being bad), and I know this booger issue isn't doing that any favors. Urgh.

Pros: I can tell from my snot that there's no infection in there, plus, I don't have a fever. It's been going on long enough that I know I'm not contagious, so I don't have to worry about that, either. The red ring around my nose is also über attractive. The biggest plus, however, is that I blow my nose so loudly that no bear is going to bother us. 

Seriously. It sounds like a blowhorn mated with an elephant, and the offspring then mated with a goose. It's magnificent. Middle of the night, out in the woods, Smokey Bear comes into camp looking for a snack. Preferably a chubby snack who has just been eating marshmallows. He approaches our camper and then WHAM.

I just blew my nose and saved our lives.

So it's a good thing, really. I just hope I can make it through the next two days at work without dying. That's a hard task even on days when I don't feel like poo. Ah, well. At least there's coffee.

Mother's Day is over with for another year, and thank goodness. Not because I'm opposed to Mothers, as I do have a pretty spectacular one myself, but mostly because I feel like it's the one day every year when people feel like it's okay to grill me about my reproductive choices.

Just for the record, that's not okay.

I do not have any kids. I do not plan to have any kids. This may change, but it's highly unlikely, and I have reasons for making this decision which are mine. Oh, and my husband's, too. Which makes them our business and no one else's.

I am not sad about this choice and it doesn't break my heart. It doesn't mean I don't love the crap out of kids (I do), and it doesn't mean that I am any less of a lady because I'm not yearning to procreate. Trust me, I'm comfortable in my lady-ness, and that is because that's just who I am on the inside, and I don't need some societal yardstick with which I can measure myself.

Having or not having babies is my family's choice and no one else's. Period.

So please, next year, don't look at me with that sad expression on your face. I don't need to be pitied. I have a wonderful Mom, and I think it's great to celebrate Mothers. Just don't assume that it makes me less of a lady because I'm not yearning to be a Mom. I can barely handle tying my shoes.

If you're a Mom, congratulations. It's a hard job, and quite often a thankless one, and you totally deserve a special day for all of us to thank you for everything you've done for your families. 

If you're a lady who's not a mom, congratulations to you, as well. You survived another Mother's Day full of questions, pity and being made to feel like a freak of nature. Huzzah.

It may be normal for members of the animal kingdom to be cannibals, but I can't say that I like it. Not at all.

We have this aquarium full of fish, which came to us from another home, and some of these fish are pregnant. Last week, a friend came over and while we were looking at the tank, we observed a teensy-weensy little baby fish hiding in one of the plants.

The baby disappeared.

A few days later, my husband noticed a few more babies.

They also disappeared.

THE FISH ARE EATING THE BABY FISH.

If these were humans, I'd be calling the cops. If they were dogs, I'd be separating them so the mom wouldn't do that. What do you do to fish?

I've decided that my course of action will be shaming the fish. I walk past the tank and I tell them all how rotten and mean it is to eat your own baby, and I remind them that several notable people have spent years in jail for eating their fellow beings.

I don't think they're listening.

I may need to improve my game. Be more aggressive, maybe show them a slide show, you know, stuff like that. The little monsters. Maybe I should shun them.

I don't think shunning is particularly bothersome to fish, though. They don't seem to have a lot in the feelings department.

Oh, well. At any rate, I've decided that if I see any more babies, I'm going to pretend not to notice them, and then I'm going to spend a lot of time looking and pointing at the other side of the tank to maybe trick the other fish into looking for babies over there. Yeah. Maybe that'll work.

It's tough to outsmart a tank full of cannibal fish.

We went to the spring arts and crafts fair this past weekend, and I was really glad that I had decided not to be in it, because of other commitments. I would've just been insane and it was so windy and cold, I think I might've actually died.

At any rate, we walked right past the booth of the lady who came over to my booth at the last arts and crafts fair, and while I didn't go in and ooh and aah over her daughter's stuff, I also didn't go in and say, "Wow. I can't believe they're actually letting you sell this crap." Which was pretty nice of me, I thought, since that's what she did to me at Christmastime.

Nope. I don't forget, lady. One day, when you think I've forgotten, WHAM! I'll be slightly short with you.

Then you'll see.

I guess that doesn't quite pack the punch I thought it would. Oh, well. Maybe someday I'll be in a position to make her a sandwich and instead of putting mustard on it, I'll put mayonnaise. Then, I'll laugh while she's eating it, because I'll know that she doesn't like mayonnaise.

Mwahahahahaha.

I am truly evil. But when would I be in a situation to make her a sandwich? That's a waste of a good idea, right there.

Oh, well. I had a great day and bought a very nice necklace and I also got to go to a rummage sale. Got me a Trivial Pursuit game and some record albums, including the incomparable Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits. Shazam!

Yeah, I own that. Try not to be jealous. Also, try not to stare directly at the chest hair. That stuff is like a tractor beam. It'll pull you right in and then you'll be lost forever...and slightly grossed out.

This is how I know it's time for a weekend:

Yesterday, I sat at my computer at work and was systematically blocked from logging on to every single password-protected area on my computer. I seriously thought I had been hacked by someone and I was about to cry.

Then I realized the "caps lock" was on.

Nice.

Happy Friday.

Sometimes, a person just passes by something that she can't pass up. That happened to me yesterday. Well, to me and my husband, and we just had to buy it. We couldn't help ourselves, and we are not impulsive shoppers.

Well, most of the time.

See, yesterday was a kind of weird day, schedule-wise, and my husband and I decided that we'd go for a walk before heading out of town to go do some doctor/music stuff. We're really trying to use the crap out of these body meters, and we wanted to see how many steps are in our favorite walk.

So we're walking, and then all of a sudden, we see it, rising out of this driveway like a beacon of hope in the desert. Okay, not really, but it was pretty gosh darn cool. And here it is (well, not the actual one, but one just like it):

I KNOW, RIGHT?!? A FLIPPING POP-UP CAMPER!!!!

I'm a little excited. And the best part? No more peeing in the woods, and my own little sink, so I can wash my hands in the wilderness.

I may not make it the two weeks until we can pick it up.

I'm also trying to prepare myself for the level of filthy this thing's going to be, because, yeah. Other people have probably pooped in there, seeing as how it's like 17 years old and the people who are selling it have a teenage kid. I hope that the pooping was confined to the toilet, because if it wasn't, and I find it, I may die.

BUT SERIOUSLY, YAY!

We've been wanting one for a while, but they're so expensive, and this one was just such a good deal, we couldn't pass it up. Plus, both of our birthdays are coming up in a couple of months, so we decided this can be our present in lieu of any celebratory anything. 

I am almost so excited that I want to hop around the house, screaming like a little girl.

But that would be lame, so I shall not. I shall, instead, let this picture of Chunk portray my feelings about the whole situation:

Yep, that's right.