WOW.

I mean, I knew I'd been hitting the sugar pretty hard, but yesterday kicked my butt. No refined sugar was so, so lame. 

By the end of the day, I felt cranky and edgy and forgetful. Also super headachey, but I know that's only to be expected. I looked back this morning at my food diary, and my sugar grams each day for the last month had really been climbing. I guess using all of my calories for cookies at the end of the day wasn't the best idea ever.

Ugh. Why can't sugar be the healthy food group, instead of vegetables? I mean, I like vegetables just fine, but after a rough day I don't drive home thinking, "I can't wait to slice me up some radishes!" Nope. It's all about chocolate chip cookies or ice cream.

Or Doritos, because, let's be honest here, those things are a bag of magic. But then, every day is pretty rough, so you can see that it becomes an every day type of thing, which is an issue.

At any rate, I made it through. So now I have four more days, including today, and then on Sunday I can have a delicious Shamrock Shake, if I behave. 

Ah. Shamrock Shake time. It tastes like magic. Magic and shamrocks, with a touch of leprechaun. 

In a good way. Not like leprechaun feet or anything. Just their magical green Irishyness.

Don't judge. I'm off sugar and I've lost my mind.

Since Christmas, I've noticed that I'm getting a wee bit crazy about sugar. I just really, really want it. Like, a lot. So I've decided to go ahead and go as sugar free as possible all week this week. Well, no added sugar and no sweets or bread, but still dairy and a piece of fruit if I'm good all day.

Yes, starting on a Tuesday. You can't start eating right on a holiday Monday. It's against the law.

I'm even going so far as to not have sugar in my coffee. Which is just about the hardest decision ever, besides the whole no cereal thing. 

Although it's really not that bad.

I would rather have the cream than the sugar. So there you go. Me, choosing fat since 1986.

Really. Fat is way more delicious than sugar.

But I'm pretty sure there's going to be some crying as the day goes on. Carb free Monday has gotten harder and harder every week, so I'm pretty sure I have a decent sugar addiction. I will also be extremely surprised if I don't have a massive headache by noon.

I can do this, though. I made it through the coffee and that wasn't bad at all, so maybe the rest will be good, too.

Yeaaaaaahhhhhhh. Sure. Ugh. 

But I get a special reward this weekend if I make it. What's my reward? A Shamrock Shake.

Yup. I know, I know, I know. Don't judge. They are green and delicious. And shamrocky. 

So, big surprise here, I'm not huge into hugging.

It's okay, there are a very few people that I genuinely enjoy hugging, and I typically hug them, but everyone else, especially casual acquaintances and people who smell funny, I have a weird time when it comes to the hug.

This is a difficult thing when you teach lessons to a bunch of super sweet and huggy little girls.

Now, when I was little, I had a huggy piano teacher. So I always HAD to hug her, and I hated it. She wore perfume and had cats, and I always had terribly itchy eyes and trouble breathing after having my face smooshed into her creepy boob area, but I never said anything because I was afraid to be rude, so now my studio is a no-hug zone.

Little people have rights, too, guys.

At any rate, yesterday, my huggiest little girl, who wants to hug every single week but doesn't want to ask and sometimes sneaks a quick one in before running out with her mom, stood next to me and put her arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder and said, "Happy late Valentine's Day!"

And just stood like that for a good two minutes.

It was freaking adorable AND a hug, so the internal conflict got all real.

But I hugged her back, because the cute won out, and come on. She's a hugger. She's GOT TO HUG.

And it was okay.

But the struggle is real, guys. Hugging is rough sometimes. 

Maybe it's the weather, or maybe I'm already starting menopause (please, please, please don't let it be that), but something weird is going on right now in my neck of the woods.

I'm really hot. Like, 90% of the time. Then, I get freezing cold for like five minutes. It's been this way for several weeks so I know I'm not just getting sick.

Also, I got four pimples this week. Four. That's usually a year's worth. Seriously.

Am I going to go through puberty again? At this rate, it wouldn't surprise me, considering my family tends toward really odd health things, and I'm pretty sure there's some hillbilly way back there in my genetic past with a second puberty happening just before 40 arrives.

I am almost positive that all of my genes come from the super weird parts of my families. Both sides. Like, God went through and hand-picked all the bizarre crap and threw it into my DNA and then chuckled a little bit, because you never know how that stuff's going to turn out.

At any rate, I keep going over to the thermostat, convinced it must be 90 degrees in here, and it's usually right around 68. So, yep, it's all me.

And every time I pass a mirror, I'm starting to flinch, because zits. I mean, my skin is so dry, I can put actual oil all over it and it's not even greasy for a second. I go through tubes and tubes of lotion, and never ever get zits until now.

So what's up?

I think I'll blame El Niño for this one. Jerk.

At any rate, if I'm going to go through puberty again, my husband had better prepare himself for some serious Kleenex usage in our house, because the crying during my previous puberty experience was ridiculous. I also gained a billion pounds, dyed my hair many different, horrible colors, and pierced my ears whenever I felt like it. In addition, we will be buying the entire Cure album collection, and I will be obsessively watching 90s grunge videos all night long.

At least I have Scooby Doo on DVD, so I'm covered for cartoon watching.

Oh, crap. Does this mean my feet are going to get even bigger? Geez.

If this is a second puberty, I just don't know. I may die. It was horrible enough the first time, but I don't think I have the strength for the white face powder and red lipstick again. Ugh. We may be in trouble.

Or I may be overreacting. We'll  see.

Being a girl is hard work.

You're supposed to be pretty all the time, and wear nice stuff with pinchy undergarments, and never burp.

Oops.

So I'm trying to add a couple of the girl things I actually enjoy to my day. One is painting my nails, which, so far, is a magnificent disaster, because I wash my hands like five billion times a day and the polish only looks good for like two hours. I then spend the next day and a half picking the polish off. So I get like two good hours of polished nails, and then two days of rough-looking half-polished nail nubs, since I have to keep my nails super short for the piano.

I've also started wearing lipstick a few days a week. I was going for every day, but yeah....not happening. It's actually not too bad, and I haven't gotten chapped lips once since I started, so that's good.

And that's about it. Yay girltime! Or not. It's a lot of effort. If I make it to Valentine's Day, it'll be a miracle. And the pinchy undergarments? Nope. Not happening.

Hahahahaha and I'm never not going to burp. Never. 

Well, we're all just peachy, aren't we?

Quite seriously. Everybody is scared and mad and defensive and they have every right to feel that way. People on both sides. I'm scared, too.

HOWEVER...we have to stop attacking our fellow people. STOP. The people in positions of authority cannot stop us from being kind and considerate to the other human beings who share our space. Let's all do that. Post on Facebook if you like, peacefully protest as much as you want, read or don't read any news that you feel will give you the info you need. There are many problems, each with a multitude of possible solutions. There is no single right path, in my opinion.

BUT...be kind. Please be kind. We are not enemies. There are people out there who have a great deal of hate, but meeting that hate with more hate will not fix us. They will continue to try to divide us. Let's not let that happen.

I am not perfect, but I'm trying not to freak out. I'm trying to do things in real life that I feel will be productive, and I'm staying away from too much social media, as I feel like it sucks up time that I can use to make a change in the world, and that is what I need to do. Others may need to be more involved with their community on there right now, and that's great, too. Different strokes for different folks, yo. Just because it's not my way doesn't mean it's wrong.

Finally, although Dickens doesn't usually speak to me, I'm trying to keep Jacob Marley's quote in my mind: "Business!" cried the ghost, wringing its hands again. "Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, benevolence, were all my business." I know, not at all hilarious, but it keeps popping into my head, so I'm putting it out there.

Not trying to be self-righteous. I am a mega-turd a lot of the time, and I have many moments of crappy behavior, every day, but I'm trying. Let's all do what we can. And protect our people and ourselves.

Guys, I love you. So much.