I realized this morning that I must've been googling a bunch of weird stuff, because my Facebook feed and my Amazon recommendations are both completely insane and I am a little worried about myself now. In honor of that, here are my top five Amazon recommendations and my top five recommended posts from Facebook. Just because Friday.

1. Amazon recommended a bunch of supplements for irritable bowel syndrome. Don't have that, but thanks, guys.

2. Amazon also recommended several books about Stockholm Syndrome. So many ideas about where they got that suggestion...

3. Amazon would like me to consider purchasing a wide variety of mega high platform shoes, generally in white patent leather. Apparently my feet don't look large enough on their own.

4. Amazon keeps trying to sell me creams for low testosterone. Seriously. Among all of the problems I might have, that one is the least worrisome, guys.

5. Finally, Amazon really, really, really knows I like to wash my hands. I get so many offers for deals on hand soap, you wouldn't believe it. Amazon just doesn't understand that I have limited storage space for my nine million spare bottles of moisturizing hand soap or, as I like to call it, "other people's poop particle remover" because, as I've said repeatedly, it's not about germs, it's about poop.

Now on to the Facebook!

1. Facebook recommended four separate articles about dealing with OCD. Yeah, maybe that one makes sense. I just didn't think fb knew me so well.

2. Facebook also posts numerous articles about Gary Johnson, which is weird because I never say political stuff on my page, except that I hate Trump because, well, he's just awful. But I did watch that video where GJ referred to Trump as the p-word a billion times because, I mean, come on. Gary climbs mountains. Trump can't even get his foundation to not look like Cheese Whiz.

3. Facebook knows I'm obsessed with Keeping Up Appearances. There are so many video links and articles about it on my page. I have said maybe one thing about it on there, ever. That is just creepy.

4. Facebook thinks I should eat more fruits and vegetables, because links to articles about improving health through diet pop up like every two seconds. Honestly, guys. I get it. I'm fat.

5. And, finally, Facebook knows I'm freaked out about Alzheimer's. There are about fifty articles about prevention, cures, research, and everything else on there, every day. All the time. How did you get all the way into my head, fb? It's just weird.

So, yes, my internet knows that I am a hand washing weirdo who votes third party and obsesses about my genetic predisposition to every disease known to man. Great. Maybe I should just turn it off.

Hahahaha, just kidding. That would be way too boring and might lead to dangerous activities like thinking. Never!