So this past Saturday was my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. We all wanted to make sure it was special, so we had a big family shindig in Chama, NM, which involved riding the train and stuff, and it was great. Before all that, though, I decided to make it extra special by making my mom a fancy dessert...a dairy-free chocolate coconut tofu cheesecake.

Just let that sink into your brain.

Apparently, they sell tofu cream cheese. Let that sink in, too, because I had no idea that was even a thing. When I went to the store to look for it, I was expecting some kind of nut-based cream cheese, but I live in the boonies, and there is just none of that at our grocery store. But there was, lo and behold, soy cream cheese. This:

It does cost way more than regular cream cheese, but since my Mom hasn't been able to have a cheesecake without becoming violently ill (and, let me tell you, she makes that choice occasionally) since 2002, I thought it was totally worth it.

And then I tasted some of the actual tofu cream cheese.

Let me just say that the name, "Better Than Cream Cheese" is a lie. A big, big, big lie. It is not better than any cream cheese I've ever eaten. It is, in all truthfulness, only slightly better tasting than spoiled, moldy cream cheese. It is slightly sour, but with no other flavor component besides a faint chemical aftertaste. Needless to say, I was not too optimistic about the outcome, especially as I couldn't find a decent-looking recipe so I took a regular one and modified it, and I don't really bake that way. I like instructions and preciseness and all of that.

Big surprise.

So, anyway, made my graham cracker crust:

Threw that dark chocolate coconut filling together:

Et voilá! Baked it up, made some ganachey stuff with chocolate chips and (gasp) margarine, and threw that in a baggie and snipped off the corner and piped on some decorations because that's how I roll, and here is the final product:

Not bad, eh? It looked so pretty, I felt like even if it tasted like poo, at least my parents got a pretty cake.

And then, my Mom called and let me know how it was (we sent it over but couldn't come that night ourselves, so we missed out). I made sure to not tell them what was in it, because I knew they would think it was gross.

Apparently, my Dad thought it tasted even better than the regular normal cheesecake I made for my sister's birthday. Seriously. And my Mom thought it was really good, too, and they said the texture was perfect. Phew!

I was just glad it was edible. I need to pick up my piece so I can try it out, but I feel like my first adventure with non-dairy baking was a success.

And I learned that soy cream cheese, like most other healthy foods, is only edible if it's mixed with sugar and chocolate chips.