There's a new lesson that I'm always learning. I mean, I keep learning it and forgetting it, and then re-learning it, but I'm putting it down on paper (virtual paper) this time to increase the odds of me remembering: There is always someone crazier than me.

Sometimes, I think I may be the craziest thing this side of the Mississippi (I just really wanted to have the word Mississippi in here so I could spell it, because they really spent a lot of time teaching us that word and then, unless we live there, we never use it). Then, I meet someone who blows my mind with his craziness (or her craziness...I think crazy is an equal-opportunity employer).

So, let me repeat: There is always someone crazier than me, and here are several reasons. Because there are more than one and I would hate to forget.

First, I do not own a tinfoil hat to keep the government and/or aliens from reading my brain waves. I am not saying that this method is ineffective, nor am I saying that the government and/or people on other planets don't want a sneak peek at what I've got going on up there. I just don't happen to be creative with the foil. It's too expensive and I like to save it for baking.

Also, I speak freely on my telephone. No one is trying to invade my mind through my phone, and I am positive the government does not want to tap my phone. I mean, they're welcome to, but I think they're going to get really bored, really quickly, because 99% of my phone calls involve my Mom telling me what she had for lunch.

Finally, I do not have any alien devices implanted anywhere on my body, nor do I have a tracking device which allows the government to follow my movements. Whichever alien is in charge of me is going to be constantly begging the other aliens to switch, because I don't do anything interesting enough to be observable. Except for this blog, which is readable by anybody anyway, so that kind of kills that. And if the government can't think of anything better to do with my tax dollars than to secretly implant a tracking device in some hidden part of my body (and if it really does go into a person's butt, I feel sorry for the guy who got that job, too) and then watch me go from home to work to home to work to home, that is very, very sad, and I can give them a bajillion ideas on how to spend my money in more fun ways. For instance, there is a really big pothole on the road leading uptown that I would like fixed. Do that, guys. I'm really very boring. 

So, yes, I need to remember that there are crazier folks than moi on the planet. There are also less crazy people with perfect hair who work out and don't sweat and only drink red wine for the health benefits and never freak out about anything and never, ever use the F word.

I am not one of them, either. Thank goodness.