I'm going to try writing a post at a normal hour, rather than the usual 5 a.m. The problem is that I have spent so much time today talking to people that obviously have nothing better to do than to keep me on the phone for five hours that my brain is turning into mush.

Not really mush. More like Jell-O. I hate Jell-O.

Anyway, I thought I'd let people know some of the things with which I can and cannot help them.

I can help you to schedule an appointment with a doctor that works in our office. I cannot help you to schedule an appointment with a doctor that does not work in our office; nor can I tell you why that particular doctor doesn't practice with us. I think that may just have to remain one of nature's unsolved mysteries.

I can help you to pay your bill or explain to you what your insurance company covered. I cannot remove all of the charges from your bill because you were at another doctor's office last month and had to have a hip replaced. I can totally sympathize with you and tell you I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but that's not really anything to do with our office. Sorry.

And, finally, I can tell you where our restroom is located. I will not, nor should I have to, in any circumstance, go in there with you and explain that your bodily fluids should go INSIDE the toilet, not on the floor or in the sink.

Thanks, people. Thanks a lot.