Dear 1960s House Builders,

I want to thank you for making the walls in my house so super ultra not straight. Because, really, who wants straight walls? I realize that it's been giving my husband fits as he's trying to put tiles on the shower walls, but I think it adds an extra layer of panache to our house to have it be ever so crooked.

Also, I really appreciate the way whoever put the nail into the copper pressure release pipe thingy that goes from the hot water heater to relieve pressure if there's an issue of some sort (I have no idea what it's called, but that's okay…I don't have to know how everything works, as long as it does work) just hammered it down in order to get the shower surround installed without fixing that piece of delightfulness. I love the idea that, at any time, we could've had a little explosion in our walls. I know it would've driven me crazy to do something like that and then just leave it for someone else to fix, so thanks. I appreciate it. My husband did, too, as it gave him an opportunity to take a day off from his construction project and learn how to replace a section of copper pipe.

Finally, I wonder why you didn't go ahead and draw crude things on the studs before putting up wallboard. Why not? When we lived in the quad that was built in the 50s and my husband took down the sheetrock, there were all sorts of fun drawings of male body parts on the studs. Also, lots of beer cans and cigarette butts. It looks like you didn't have any fun at all making this bathroom. How sad. Not one single cryptic message, either. Tsk, tsk.

That's all,
Love,
Me

P.S. Since you're probably dead and you may have been hearing the names my husband's been calling you as he's been dealing with this project, try not to take offense. I'm sure he means them with love.