So I think I'm finally just about over my horrendous cough. I thought it was allergies for the first three days because I never really felt like crap, I just couldn't stop coughing. After that, though, I accepted the fact that it was probably some kind of virus because everyone else was coughing, too.

I haven't had a cough in years and years and years, and I was freaking out the whole time about getting congestion in my head and getting another ear infection, but luckily, I escaped that, and the whole thing has now died down to a simmer.

However, it did bring up an interesting question for me: What happens when I reach that age where every time I cough or sneeze, I pee my pants? What am I going to do? 

Apparently, that just happens. I don't know if you escape that when you haven't had a baby or not, but I'm not taking any chances. It's bad enough when you cough or sneeze so hard that it makes you cut the cheese, but that really only happened in the middle of the night around here. It sucked because they always make me laugh, whether they're mine or someone else's, and I don't think my husband appreciated being awoken at 2:30 a.m. by a hacking cough, accompanied by farting, followed by bed-shaking giggles for about five minutes.

He didn't say anything, but I could tell he didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.

Anyway, I'm wondering about that now, because I've seen those terribly disturbing Tena Twist commercials, which lead me to believe that only chubby older women pee themselves, which means I'm on the list.

That just sounds terrible. We used to give our dog pills to help her not pee on the couch, and they worked great for her. Maybe they make those pills for people. If not, they should. I need a direct line to some scientists.

Because those Tena Twist commercials are just terrifying.

 fascinating video from youtube.com

Thanks, YouTube. I…just…no. That commercial is worse than the Burger King and the clown from It all rolled into one. THAT'S what I have nightmares about. And why on God's green Earth would anyone ever put liquid into an absorbent pad and wring it out? On TV? <Shudder>

Getting older is so much scarier than I ever thought it would be. I think maybe when I get to that point and I have a cough, I'm going to just sit in the bathroom until it's over. Just skip a step.

Or maybe I won't care at that point. Maybe that'll hold off until I've reached the "not giving a crap" stage of my life, which, I have been guaranteed, will happen eventually.

I don't know. I just never, ever want to do the twist. Any kind of twist. It's just wrong.