Had to take a day to absorb the super fun times at the doctor's office. First of all, she didn't say anything about losing weight, so that totally screwed up my plans. I was all ready for it. Oh, well. Next year, lady. It's on. The bad news came in a sort of deceptive way, which didn't really sink in until I got all the way back home and thought about what it meant.

She looked at my blood tests and said everything was fine, except that my sluggish thyroid gland had become even more sluggish, so she wanted to up my dose. Which was not unexpected, and totally explains the lack of weight-loss, so that was cool. Then, I mentioned the comment my acupuncturist made about how the left side of my head, neck and throat (where I had the mastoiditis) felt different from the right side.

The doctor did her exam and then agreed with my acupuncturist. After looking in my ear, she dropped the bomb on me: All the pain and the swelling in my throat and jaw and the continued weird hearing in my left ear are from scar tissue from the infection. The swelling in my throat area is my lymph nodes, which were so affected by the infection that they are permanently enlarged and scarred.

Let's sum up, shall we? The pain will never go away, and the swelling (which is making singing a lot more difficult) is scar tissue, which is permanent.

Permanent.

Don't love that.

I'm glad it didn't hit in the office, because I'm pretty sure that would've led to more crying in public, and feelings are dumb so I try to keep mine to myself (except on here...love the anonymity of the inter-webs). Yesterday I allowed myself to take a day off from the dieting and exercise, and today I'll get back into it, but I really don't want to. Forever is a very long time to have to struggle to do things that were so automatic before.

The pain sucks, too, but to be honest, the singing is the thing that matters. I've been trying so hard to sing over the extreme jaw tightness and laryngeal issues, and to hear that it's never going away is quite disheartening.

I realize it could've been worse. I realize I should be thankful that I don't have any infection and I didn't get meningitis or have any brain damage, and I don't have cancer or any other life-threatening illnesses. I am thankful for that.

I really am.

But I'm still sad. 

And I know that will get better. But still...yuck. I need something to cheer me up. 

Ah, yes. Snapetastic. See how easy that was?