Since when does having a good attitude about anything not make it better?

Well, really, since now.

I've been having a good attitude about this whole, "I'm fat, but I'm working on it." thing, but it's not working out too well. It's hard to go walk that walk of doom every day when I know that during the weeks I exercise I don't lose any more than the weeks I don't. Also, it's hard not to eat cake when I know that during the weeks I'm really careful and don't eat crap, I won't lose any more weight than during the weeks I go out and drink beer on Friday.

Wait...it's Friday...does that mean beer?

Sadly, probably, no. But at least it's Friday. I was all psyched for weigh-in this week because I killed it. I mean, KILLED it. I exercised every stinking day, even on performance days, and I was very careful with my food, coming in under my calorie target every day but one, and only exceeding that day by 200 calories, which I then offset with extra exercise.

Gained half a pound.

What. The. Hell. I keep thinking I should just give up and go eat an entire bag of Doritos, but I know I won't because if I'm just staying in this same little area even though I'm working so hard, I will end up gaining twenty pounds if I even look at the Doritos.

And maybe smell them a little.

And maybe lick the salty cheesy goodness off of one of them.

And then maybe drink a regular Mountain Dew (I know they're horrible, but for me they're the pinnacle of soda-like refreshment...I haven't had one in ages).

Mmmmmm. Bacon.

I think my thoughts about food are actually making me fatter. Oh, well. It's Friday....except I'm painting all weekend and working extra shifts all next week, so, yeah. 

Ugh.

Maybe the answer, for this weekend, at least, is a cheat day. Maybe that's more effective and then I'll have less calories all week. Or I'll try a new diet plan. I've done Atkins, and it worked, even though it was the only time in my life where the thought of food made me nauseous.

Or maybe I'll just decide that I don't care.

Totally going with that one. For right now. It's going to last approximately five minutes, but for those five minutes I'll feel so free and alive. Then I'll get back into frustrated mode.

Did I mention I think I may have issues? 

The thought of Doritos and a Mountain Dew, however, may just get me through today.