I am not the most fashionable person in the world, but I do have some handy hints to help out those of you who may be even more sartorially-challenged than I happen to be. After the last week or so, I am convinced that the world needs even more of help than I've been giving it, so I've decided to just go ahead and shoot my mouth off. Or my keyboard. Whatever.

1. First of all, I've said it before and I will probably keep saying it until I die: Leggings are not for everyone. If people keep asking you where your pants are, you might want to invest in  a different type of leg-wear. The idea is to try not to look like you're smuggling a gallon of cottage cheese in your slacks.

Hahaha. Slacks.

2. If what you've spilled on your outfit looks and/or smells like barf, you're probably better off changing rather than going into the bathroom and trying to rinse it off and failing to do more than just smear it around and make it look like wetter barf. If changing isn't an option...well...make it an option. Or take that bad boy off in the bathroom and scrub. Because barf (or whatever that is) tends to make other people barf, and before you know it, we all have barf on our shirts, know what I'm saying?

3. Dressing in extra foofy stuff doesn't make you look more trendy and/or feminine. It just makes you look like an old lady. If extra frilly stuff was trendy, then it might work, but I haven't seen this kind of outfit in a while. Don't do it.

(I have to admit that my first reaction to this outfit is always going to be, "Wow! She's bitchin!" because when I was 10 this was who I wanted to be. I blame my mom for keeping me from true high-haired glory and never buying me a fringed jean jacket. Gee, thanks, mom.)

4. Visible underwear was never really acceptable. Don't do it.

5. Finally, if you're old enough to have signed up for AARP during the Reagan administration, you're too old to wear a miniskirt with no pantyhose or tights. I don't care if you work out, and I don't care how thin your legs are.  They look like a close-up road map of Manhattan, and no one needs to see that. And, really, no one needs to have to worry about a slight breeze popping up and treating us all to a showcase of your goods. Just, no.

No.

Thank you for listening. I hope you took notes.