People, I totally notice everything. It's a curse. I notice it when you smell funny and I notice it when you're in a bad mood. I notice it when you start using a new slang term (and I usually mock you for it), and I also notice it when you're having trouble at home and you're thinking about that so much you start to suck a little bit at life (don't worry...we've all been there).

Did you think I wasn't going to notice when you posted something on Facebook that so goes against the grain of everything you've been posting since we became friends a few years ago?!?

Because I did, buddy, and it annoys me.

Now, I consider myself to be an open-minded person who is trying to be even more open-minded as I go along. I really do love almost everybody, and I'm trying to rid myself of that "almost" as soon as I can. The people I have the hardest time with?

Yep, it's the "religious" people who spout off about the Bible while they're actively hating everyone who isn't like them. Drives me nuts. I mean, we're all hypocrites, to some degree and in some situations, but come on. Really. I have read the whole Bible. The whole thing (I didn't even skip the chapters about such-and-such begetting such-and-such...that was rough). Mostly, I did it so when I hear people say, "Well, it says in the Bible that..." I can proceed to tell them they're wrong. That's my favorite. Even though I don't really remember all of it because I kept falling asleep during the boring parts.

Anyhoo, when I take all of what I read and I look for just one overarching message from the whole book (there are a lot of little things, but I'm just talking "big picture" here), what I get is this: God loves you, so love each other. And stop being such big babies.

Okay, I added that last part, but really, love is a key part of the book.

I think some people forget that and so they write all of these weird statuses on FB about stuff that so offends me that I want to de-friend them (but I don't because then I can't look at their weird family pictures...it's like awkwardfamilyphotos.com).

Then they post something that says something like, "In order to be a good American, a person should accept other people, and not be afraid of other cultures or lifestyles."

WHA?!? Now I'm totally confused. Last week, you were talking about how mad you are at all those [insert random ethnicity here] people for trying to take away your right to [insert random "American" right here], and now you're loving mankind? What's that all about?

Crazy, man. Just crazy. If you're going to start being one of those people who loves everybody else and doesn't mock other people's personal life choices, I don't know if we can hang out.

Because then how can I laugh at you?