Well, it's almost time. Time for the nervousness and neuroticism that usually accompany recital time.

Why do I do this? Honestly? I have no idea.

Actually, I do. I get pretty excited about some of the music I work on, then I think, "Oh my goodness...so many people have never heard this!" Then, a huge lightbulb pops up over my head, leading me to decide that I really, really want to put on a fancy dress and shoes and get up and risk horrendous embarrassment in front of fifty people I don't know and another twenty that I do.

That's generally the procedure. There can and will be some variations, but it's pretty much like that every time.

I think I should've been something that didn't require so much "being in front of others" time. Because, seriously, it kills me. I don't like to have everybody looking at me, and I don't have half the sass and self-esteem required for this kind of shindig. I like to hide in the back and watch other people do that part.

Except, I really love the music. I really do.

I suppose that overrules the other stuff, but, boy, the nervousness is going to be amazing. Yesterday, I got so nervous about the likelihood of getting nervous that I actually gave myself a case of the pre-performance stomach issues. Five days early. 


Now that's talent, right there.

I'm trying to convince myself that this time, the nervousness won't happen because I'm just so prepared. 

Except that as time goes by, I'm getting worse and worse at lying to myself. See, I can tell when I'm lying because I make this face...

...or maybe it's because I'm already up in my brain. Yep. That could be it. Anyway, I'm distracting myself with exercise and a Matlock marathon.

Just found Matlock on Amazon Prime and realized I'd never seen it. What? I know. That's crazy talk. I was missing out in the 80s, but I guess it wouldn't have appealed to me too much, seeing as I was eight when it came out. I was too busy being obsessed with My Little Pony and MacGyver (yep, I have always been this weird).

So, we'll see if I can distract myself for the next few days. At any rate, after Saturday's performance, I'll be able to breathe again. Until the next time I have a musically-induced lapse in judgement.

Still, though. Matlock.

from inside pulse.com