Today is the three month mark of my mom's checkout day (I like to think she checked out of this crappy hotel and moved into other, more luxurious accommodations). So, of course, the first thing I see when I open Facebook is one of those "on this day" things. And it was last year's opera picture of my Mom, sitting next to my Dad, smiling and waving.

How is she not here?

I feel like she was just the best at so many things. Like, she got more excited, and talked more, and cared more about people, and tried more new things than I would ever be willing to try. She just really wanted to be a part of all of the stuff, so she was. Sometimes she succeeded, sometimes she failed, but if she wanted it, she made it happen (yep, my sister totally got that from Mom....I missed out).

So maybe that's why Mom went first.

Maybe she knew me and my Dad would be shy, and my sister would want someone to scope it out for birds. And also she could take care of getting all the stuff set up so maybe we wouldn't have to talk to so many people. Heaven's got to have some kind of registration or something, right? Can't escape paperwork, even if you die.

But, anyway, it's still pretty hard to fathom. At least for me. I keep picking up my phone to check on her and then remembering that I don't need to do that anymore, which is good, but barfy.

I know she's having a great time, though. And we'll eventually get to having a great time, too. Someday. But today feels kind of like a ginormous poop emoji without the smile.