Today is the three month mark of my mom's checkout day (I like to think she checked out of this crappy hotel and moved into other, more luxurious accommodations). So, of course, the first thing I see when I open Facebook is one of those "on this day" things. And it was last year's opera picture of my Mom, sitting next to my Dad, smiling and waving.

How is she not here?

I feel like she was just the best at so many things. Like, she got more excited, and talked more, and cared more about people, and tried more new things than I would ever be willing to try. She just really wanted to be a part of all of the stuff, so she was. Sometimes she succeeded, sometimes she failed, but if she wanted it, she made it happen (yep, my sister totally got that from Mom....I missed out).

So maybe that's why Mom went first.

Maybe she knew me and my Dad would be shy, and my sister would want someone to scope it out for birds. And also she could take care of getting all the stuff set up so maybe we wouldn't have to talk to so many people. Heaven's got to have some kind of registration or something, right? Can't escape paperwork, even if you die.

But, anyway, it's still pretty hard to fathom. At least for me. I keep picking up my phone to check on her and then remembering that I don't need to do that anymore, which is good, but barfy.

I know she's having a great time, though. And we'll eventually get to having a great time, too. Someday. But today feels kind of like a ginormous poop emoji without the smile.

Really miss my Mom today. Just, a lot. And I know she’s good, but boy, life here is missing a lot of silliness and cuteness without Mom.

That’s all. I know it’s not just me, and I know it’s normal, and I know it’ll get better.

But I really miss her.

IT’S FRIDAY!!!

Kind of ready for the weekend.

At any rate, I have now been doing the Dr. Gundry eating plan for just about a month, and I’ve lost 7.5 pounds. I realize that doesn’t sound like a shockingly huge amount, but for me it’s amazing. I’ve been stuck without the scale moving for ages, and I’ve made some modifications to the plan to help fit my life better, and I’m still slowly inching down the scale.

For instance, I still have half and half in my coffee. That’s a no no, but I gots to have it. I didn’t use sugar in my coffee anyway,  but I can’t deal with black coffee. It would kill me. I also still have tomatoes because they make me happy and I love them. I just don’t have more than one serving a day. And I also eat tofu because I’m less worried about soy estrogens, since I eat almost no processed food, so I’m not getting any soy that way. And tofu is delicious.

I feel like I’m eating all of the vegetables, but really, I think it’s as much as we’re supposed to eat, I was just slacking before. I’m eating at least one big salad meal a day, and then vegetables at the other meals, although I’m at the point where I’ve added some fruit back in, too. Finally. Apples.

I’m also eating some aged cheese, but trying to keep it to an ounce a day. And I’ve discovered queso fresco, which is amazing and I think my new favorite cheese. Big time.

So, I think I’ll stick with this. The prebiotic is a little weird, but not hugely so, and I love the idea of feeding my good bacteria. I’ve always been leery of antibiotics and I’m starting to cut out antibacterial things (even hand sanitizer....I know....it’s shocking) and maybe that’ll keep my guts happier, which is also a good thing for my Crohn’s.

So, yay. Friday AND down on the scale. Oh, and I’m still having a little beer here and there. Because come on. It’s summer. You can’t have summer without beer; it’s pretty much the law.

So it’s already been one heck of a week, and it’s only Thursday. Very depressing. A fast-forward button would be pretty perfect right about now, but, unfortunately, I seem to have misplaced mine. Anyhow, I’m glad it’s not Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday today. That’s something.

I am on this quest for self improvement and I seem to be stumbling on things that I place in my own path. Seriously. It’s always me that does the stupid stuff which cause me to have to stop moving forward and clean up the mess. Ugh.

And then all night long I have these dreams about failing. Every night. Barf.

At any rate, I guess, it’s a new day, with millions more chances. And maybe today will be neutral. Or at least less hot.

Yeah. I’ll go for less hot and neutral. Woohoo goals!

Wow, it’s been a while. Evidently, I’ve just gotten out of practice. Or maybe I’ve just been lazy because we’ve been off work for a week.

Yep, we took a vacation.

Well, we were supposed to go with my Dad to my uncle’s cabin, but he wasn’t really into leaving, what with his new sod and stuff, so we decided to just hang out at home.

It’s been glorious.

We’ve slept late, gone swimming, ridden our bikes, gone to Madrid (NM...it’s not that thrilling, but it’s cute), done a few things around the house like oiling the wooden window frames and sealing up cracks to keep the damn carpenter bees out (they are the biggest turds of all time), gone to the opera with our funnest friend, and gone to many movies courtesy of my awesome sister and the moviepass she got us for our birthdays.

So, yeah. Pretty awesome.

Today is our last day, so we’re just hanging out and getting ready to get back into it. I don’t think all the tired is gone, but I feel a lot better. It was getting pretty rough there for a bit, fatigue-wise. So I think we may survive, after all.

We’ll see.