This hair thing is making me crazy. I can’t believe it’s this annoying, but there you go.

I feel like the more hair I have, the weirder I look, but it’s almost like I just keep going to see what it’s going to do the next day, because it couldn’t possibly get any weirder. But then, it always does, so there you go.

My hair doesn’t lie flat, like normal hair. I don’t have to do things to it to make it have volume. It wants to stand up straight. At this point, I’ve got nine months of growth, so it’s about five inches long at the longest point (I know, my hair grows ridiculously slowly), and I can make it stand up straight and stay there without help from any product. Seriously. All I have to do is run my fingers through it in an upward motion, and there it is. My long spiky hair, in all its glory.

But I don’t want that.

I want commercial hair that is flowy and looks like shiny sparkly normal hair.

I want hair that doesn’t break off when it gets more than a couple of inches long, and hair that isn’t flaky all of the time because of the lovely psoriasis patch I have on my head. (Yeah, overshare, I know, but it’s in the interest of science. Or not. Shut up.)

I’m sick of people asking me when I’m going to grow my hair out. It’s been nine months. Some people can grow a whole baby in this amount of time. I have survived hundreds of bad hair days and grown about four inches of hair (I’m guessing it was maybe an inch or so when I started, but I didn’t measure, so this isn’t exactly a scientific study. But it should be.).

A whole baby versus four inches of hair.

Wow.

Well, at least my hair doesn’t have diaper changes, midnight feedings, and it doesn’t barf on my best shirts. That’s a plus.

I’m seriously considering chopping it off. My brain knows that it’s not going to get any better. Damn it. Maybe a hat. Headbands don’t fit my ginormous head very well.

Crap.