So I have written fourteen posts. This is the fifteenth. I write them and cry and cry and cry and then delete them. Ugh. Basically, the gist of all of them is that my mom is sick, and our little family unit is stuck in limbo, waiting for biopsy results.

That's it. And it sucks.

Sucks a million times worse than I ever would've guessed. Sicker stomachs, stronger headaches, deeper fatigue. And we find out tomorrow, so those things are all escalating, at least for me.

Being a neurotic sort of gal, as I am, I am really getting to experience a plethora of feelings, all of which...you guessed it...suck.

It sucks to see my mom, a woman who should be enjoying her retirement, stuck in a hospital bed, mourning the loss of her mother, who just left us last week, and worrying that her remaining days on this planet will be filled with pain and doctors.

It sucks to see my dad so joyless and anxious.

And, pardon my French, but it sucks to see my sister scared shitless.

As are we all.

So, main bullet point, this sucks.

And to all of you who have done this before and made it through, as well as to those of you who are right there with us, good job. Because, just, wow.

Have I mentioned that this sucks?