Why am I out of pants?

I mean, I know it's because I put off doing my laundry last week, and I was gone over the weekend, so now I really, really need to do laundry. The problem is that I don't have fabric softener, so I can't.

Why?!?

I hate doing laundry as much as the next person, but I usually get it done, just so I don't have to come to this state. The state of pantslessness combined with a serious lack of planning which makes for a no-Downy situation.

And I have so many clothes that hang to dry, so I can't just use dryer sheets.

This is my dilemma for today. 

I believe I will have to just suck it up and wear a dress. To the store. To buy the fabric softener. Even though it's like 2 degrees outside and that's just insane. Ugh. And then I'll have to do my laundry tonight after work, so I'll have to wear the dress all day. All. Day.

And that is a real punishment, because I will freeze to death in the Smith's parking lot. They will find me and say, "Don't feel too bad for her, guys. She put off doing her laundry wayyyyyy too long."

Did I mention they're sheriffs? I feel like they should be sheriffs. That whole scenario makes me feel better about this.

Because sheriffs. With badges.

I may have completely lost my mind. We'll see after I finish my coffee.

Even with all of the crazy, we have really moved forward on our big remodel. I know we've finally settled on the right floor, because I'm not obsessing about it at all (we're doing wood rather than tile, because we discovered flooring under our flooring that would make tile installation ridiculously difficult), and we've also picked our contractor.

Now, to wait.

I'm kind of antsy to get started on the actual project, because I really want to see how it comes out, and I also just want something different to focus on. Illness is too gross to think about, since I can't really do anything about any of that.

But, still, we have to wait.

And it's like two months before we even start, although when I think of all the prep we have to do, I know we need the time. Prep just isn't that exciting. We already did the fun painty part. What's coming up next is a moving appliances and knocking down walls kind of thing. So, messy and scary.

Alright. I guess I'm not that anxious to start. I forgot about the messy part.

I'll just be patient.

But still.

Well, the waiting is over and my mom has a treatment plan. Not that cancer is ever an easy thing to deal with, but at least it's a type that we can try to keep in check, rather than an immediate death sentence, so that makes me feel a little better. And my mom is recovering from her surgery so quickly!

Now, on to returning to normal life. 

Normal sounds pretty delightful right now. Let's do that. 

I mean, endless bowls of cereal, pajamas all day, and cartoons mixed with Murder, She Wrote episodes sounds pretty delightful, too, but we all know that's not happening. So I'm going to shoot for normal.

So I have written fourteen posts. This is the fifteenth. I write them and cry and cry and cry and then delete them. Ugh. Basically, the gist of all of them is that my mom is sick, and our little family unit is stuck in limbo, waiting for biopsy results.

That's it. And it sucks.

Sucks a million times worse than I ever would've guessed. Sicker stomachs, stronger headaches, deeper fatigue. And we find out tomorrow, so those things are all escalating, at least for me.

Being a neurotic sort of gal, as I am, I am really getting to experience a plethora of feelings, all of which...you guessed it...suck.

It sucks to see my mom, a woman who should be enjoying her retirement, stuck in a hospital bed, mourning the loss of her mother, who just left us last week, and worrying that her remaining days on this planet will be filled with pain and doctors.

It sucks to see my dad so joyless and anxious.

And, pardon my French, but it sucks to see my sister scared shitless.

As are we all.

So, main bullet point, this sucks.

And to all of you who have done this before and made it through, as well as to those of you who are right there with us, good job. Because, just, wow.

Have I mentioned that this sucks?

Wow. That was the worst holiday ever. Just, ever.

So now onto 2016.

I would like to say that I have some lofty goals for myself, but really, I just want to make it through. So that's my resolution. Keep on truckin'.

Yes, with the apostrophe and everything.

I wanted to have something more altruistic, like working for world peace or discovering a cure for some disease, but I just can't muster up the enthusiasm. Also, that sounds like a lot of work.

I also wanted to lose more weight and get on the treadmill every day, but yeah...we all know that's dicey. There are just too many days where I barely have enough time to shower, and I can't commit to something that might jeopardize that. Showering is far too important.

So I will commit to not giving up and hiding in my bed all day. I think that's doable. Not saying that I can commit to doing it with a sparkly attitude, but I will get up, shower, and do my daily work. Some days I may even do a little extra, but that's not necessarily part of the deal.

But I'll shower, by George. I will shower.