When it’s Tuesday, I like to congratulate myself on the fact that I have survived one whole day of this week. Then I like to silently weep into my coffee because there are four days left until Saturday.

Barf.

So I have come up with a new plan for getting through the week, and I thought I’d share it with all two of you who read this blog (yeah, I know): Cake.

See? It’s the perfect plan!

But seriously, I figure if my mom could potty train me in one go using M&Ms as a reward, I can get myself through the week using cake as a reward. Like so: If I stick to my diet all week, I can have a piece of cake at some point during the weekend.

I know it seems backward to reward healthy eating with a pile of sugar and fat, but that’s pretty much all I really want these days.

And I can earn bonus food, too. For instance, if I go for a walk after work at least three times this week, I’m going to have a beer while watching tv on a Friday night. See how easy that is?

Life skillz.

I am feeling so smart right now.

I’ve gotten some comments on the fact that I participate in Lent every year, but I don’t really consider myself to be super religious. I know I don’t owe anybody an explanation, but I thought I’d like to go ahead and just explain anyway.

Because.

So, I believe in God. And I believe that believing in God should make me different. It should change the way I treat my fellow creatures and it should change me and make me want to be a better person. Not in order to do anything for God, but because it makes me see that there is order and reason, and the more crap I can remove from myself, the closer I can get to enjoying all of the wonderful things and letting go of all of the little stuff that doesn’t really mean anything to me. God doesn’t need me to do anything. God is God.

So why do something during Lent?

It gives me a task. It gives me a short period of time to focus on improving something about myself that I feel is getting in the way of me being the best person I can be. I’m not bargaining with God for a higher place in the order of things; I really don’t think God is that bothered with my experiment between Ash Wednesday and Easter. There are so many much more important things in the world beside me and my Lenten plans.

So, last year, it was meditating. I’m still meditating daily, and it has actually helped me immensely over the past year. This year, I’m staying off Facebook. Not all social media; just Facebook. I feel like it’s the internet version of middle school, except peopled entirely by adults. All facade, no substance. It’s just getting exhausting. I think I’ll be continuing this Lenten adventure past Easter. It hasn’t really been that hard, though I’ll admit, I’ve gone on twice. The first time was an accident, and the second time was all about stalking somebody’s page. It needed to be done. Not sorry.

At any rate, that’s all. It’s an opportunity for self-improvement. No biggie, but it’s important to me.

Well, I thought it was finally tough enough that it couldn’t get any worse.

I was wrong. I am getting to a place where that isn’t a difficult thing to say any more.

My husband just lost his Dad, and it’s a sad time for the family. No matter how old we get, or how far away we live, or how many little disagreements we get into, it’s always sad when a part of life changes permanently.

And, yes, he is much happier and healthier and in a better place now, which is great. His last weeks on this planet were just awful. He can have a good meal now and go build all the things and not have to feel run-down and weak any more.

But his wife and daughter feel like their house is a lot emptier.

And that’s sad. And we can’t fix it.

Sigh.

Come on, 2018. Something positive? Pretty please? Because this is shaping up to look a lot like 2016, and I don’t think I can handle another year like that.

As sweet and thoughtful as the people who have periodically cooked my parents dinner over the last two years plus are, here’s the thing....

...how the hell do you people survive, cooking that way?

I know everyone’s got some different taste buds, but some of these combos have me sincerely worried for your children, guys. Mystery cream sauces? Onions and blueberries and pasta? Meat that might be chicken, might be beef, might be pork, but we can’t get a consensus and no one’s rude enough to ask, plus it’s encased in gelatin, so there’s that?

Yeah. I wanted to start a photo series called, “Chemo Mystery Edibles” but I thought some people might take it wrong. See, I was brought up by a mom who can make anything. Just, anything. She even knows how to make the heart healthy cookbook stuff taste amazing. So I’m not used to this bland, weirdly spiced, midwestern type of cuisine.

That sounded insulting.

I really don’t mean to be mean. It’s so sweet for people to bring her food and, quite honestly, now that mom’s not up to cooking, they eat a heck of a lot of frozen dinners and eggs and vegetarian things (that one’s my bad), so anything home cooked is welcome.

But maybe throw a label on there. The last one was all kinds of mysterious.

I can’t even.