All of the unrest in the world is leaving me with a burning question: Is brown lipstick coming back into style?

I realize this may seem vapid, but seriously, was it not bad enough the first time?

Also, we got a box set of King of Queens and it's making me remember the horribleness of the brown lipstick. Why would we repeat something like that? Why not just all buy mom jeans and, then, hairspray up and tease those bangs while we're at it? No?

THEN WHY BROWN LIPSTICK???

It doesn't flatter anyone. Nope. It's matte and cakey looking and it makes wearers look like goth's older, dumpier sister who doesn't have a date for the prom but doesn't mind because she'll be spending the evening in with her scrapbooks and ninety-seven cats, watching a Hallmark movie marathon. In a t-shirt tucked into a high-waisted pair of Z Cavariccis. 

For the love of Mike, stop. Please.

This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by a teenage girl I saw yesterday outside the grocery store.

Okay, guys. I did it. I taught my very first adult group voice class at the college, and I have to say...WHOA.

Just, WHOA. All caps.

I've been teaching privately for 17 years. I am used to it. I love it, I really do, but large groups of adults????????

Yep. WHOA.

So much eye contact and talking. And the whole time, in my head, is this little tiny voice saying, "Run! Run away! Say you have explosive diarrhea and go hide in the quiet, dark bathroom for the next hour!!"

But I didn't. I stayed. And I talked. And I think everybody had a good time, but I was so exhausted by the end, and my throat hurt, and I woke up this morning with a migraine, so I think it's definitely going to be a learning curve.

I have taught groups of kids as large as 40, and it was not this hard.

What the hell?

Maybe it's the eye contact. Or the fluorescent lighting. Or maybe I was just too nervous about it. But it was really, really difficult.

But I did it.

And I'm going to go back and do it again, because they all laughed at my jokes, and I also forgot to talk about mucus and pee. I'll save that for week two.

Oh my goodness.

Friday the 13th is upon us. What does this mean? Well, really, nothing, although I do have to say that around the dental office, Friday the 13th means that every single patient is going to come in freaked out for his or her cleaning.

Here's a tip: There's no luck involved. Just floss, and you'll be fine.

Since I am working from home today and not at the office, I don't have to deal with the general crazy. Except my crazy, but at least I know what to expect from me most of the time.

Or do I? I have never been weird about doctor appointments, performances, or any other important life things taking place on this supposedly unlucky day (which may or may not be stupid, since I am incredibly unlucky, just in general); however, I have a thing going down today that I have to say I'm a little freaked out about.

A haircut.

Not at a new place or with a new person, just my same lady who always does a great job and all...but...it's Friday the 13th. And what could be more terrifying and unlucky than a really bad haircut?

Like, what if she slips while she's shaving the little hairs off the back of my neck and shaves a big bald stripe on the back of my head and then doesn't tell me and I forget to look until I get home and then I see it and freak out, but I don't want to be a pain, so I don't call her back, but my hair is too short to hide a bald stripe so then in the middle of the night after not sleeping due to my massive anxiety about the ginormous scalp patch on the back of my head, I go a little nuts and just Britney myself except I'm kind of bad at haircuts so maybe I leave a few tufts of hair, but no one tells me because they don't want to hurt my feelings, so I walk around for weeks looking like an escapee from a creepy circus of some sort.

And these are the things I worry about.

The inner workings of my mind.

Geez.

I've been informed that my blog has gotten less hilarious as of late; in fact, that it is no longer hilarious at all and is, most assuredly, depressing. 

Well, crap.

I suppose that life has gotten that way, too, so maybe it's okay, but I do aim to please. Therefore, in 2017, I will meander back into hilarious territory so I don't have to rename this blog to reflect the depressing nature of its contents.

Also, I would like to point out a very positive thing that happened this week. I bought a six-pack of bell peppers at Costco and I've made it through four of them so far. FOUR. 

SO THERE YOU GO.

I'm just oozing with positivity. 

Or neutrality.

At any rate, shifting away from depressing. Baby steps.

Re-reading last New Year's posts, trying to be more positive about this year. 

On the upside, Mom's doing great. Working back to normal (whatever that is), getting all that nasty, albeit life-saving, chemo out of her system, and trying to plan fun stuff for the future. That's awesome.

Remodeling is done on the house, and now we just have little weekend-sized projects to accomplish whenever we can, so that's a lot less pressure.

Starting a new job next week, in addition to to all the old jobs. That'll be fun.

But, despite all of that, there are still hurdles and life is a lot less funny than it used to be. No resolutions of any kind this year, because I think I can fail enough without any extra expectations, thankyouverymuch. 

I'll work on being more optimistic.

Not today, though.

Maybe tomorrow. 

Come on, 2017. Let's try not to suck so bad, shall we?

Okay, everybody. Happy 2017 and all that. My New Year's gift to you is a list of the ten Christmas songs without which no holiday season is complete. Basically, it's not Christmas if these don't happen. Period.

10. Dominick the Donkey by Lou Monte. Because nothing says Christmas like an 

Italian Christmas donkey. https://youtu.be/hYlvfX3nwlc

9. I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Harry Belafonte. I just love it. https://youtu.be/B85s8JfldU0

8. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Judy Garland. Just in case your holidays aren't depressing enough. https://youtu.be/nH9RyySpkU8

7. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy. It's the part with the pudding made of fig. Cracks me up every time. https://youtu.be/MgIwLeASnkw

6. Silver Bells by Anne Murray. I feel like this is my childhood Christmas remembering song, because I bought my Dad a Stetson soap on a rope in the drugstore while this song was playing. And he loved it, I'm sure, because Stetson. https://youtu.be/joEU172x6vE

5. Love is a Christmas Rose by Perry Como. Perry's the business. https://youtu.be/m-l83nUvMK0

4. Tiny Angels by Roger Whittaker. My mom loves her some Roger Whittaker Christmas songs, and this is the one I remember the most. https://youtu.be/xlM6DBexV0c

3. Christmas in San Francisco by Vic Damone. Weirdest song in the world, but really, nothing says Christmas like lychee nuts and barbecued pork. https://youtu.be/vA_0cvyh3oE

2. It Doesn't Have to be That Way by Jim Croce. Another vague childhood memory. Yes, I was born in the late 70s. https://youtu.be/Sxvd8NEd_C8

1. Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. See above. LOVE IT. https://youtu.be/cmVXYOJzAJM

So, there you go. Happy 2017.