What pearls of wisdom am I gong to share with you all today? Well, I’ll tell you. I’m going to go on endlessly about the vilest, most heinous act a co-worker can commit at work, and their fellow co-workers can’t say a damn thing about it.

Microwaving fish.

Guys. Don’t do it. It doesn’t smell nice. It smells like, well, we all know what it smells like, and let me just tell you, everyone hates you when you do it. Everyone. Even the old guy in the back office who is like eight hundred years old and hasn’t smelled a smell in at least a good decade. He’s picking up on what you did and making a face.

He hates you. We ALL hate you.

Plus, the microwave retains the fishy smell for WEEKS. I’m not kidding. And then when anyone else uses it, their plastic wear soaks up a little of the fishiness and then it’s ruined.

Am I exaggerating? I don’t think so.

In all seriousness, I would rather you take a ginormous poo and leave the bathroom door open without using a fan than for you to microwave your fish. That would just call for area avoidance and unpleasantness that lasts a half hour or so. The fish incident happened last Monday, and I can still smell the lingering aroma of hot salmon every time I go into the room where we keep the microwave.

Hot salmon is not a nice thing to smell.

Also, I can’t use the microwave anymore because it ruined one of my plastic lids and I can’t get the smell out.

So, for the sake of workplace happiness and co-workers getting along with one another, please, please, please leave the fish at home.

Please.